Middle school sucked. Hard.

I transfered into a school across the district, so none of my friends from elementary school where with me. And suddenly, all social rules changed. Jokes where no longer funny unless the punch-line was gay. And sex was suddenly the "cool" thing. And dating. I never did either, so it wasn't long before I was completely isolated.

Though that's not true. I was sort of friends with a few kids, mainly one from my Advanced reading class. His name was Zach, and I really liked him. He was funny. But next year I changed schools again. I don't know why.

The next school was worse. I had become incredibly shy, and this class was extremely tight knit. Everyone knew and talked to everyone. Except me.

It didn't help that I had only then realized that I was ugly. In elementary school, I was fairly popular, and apparently well liked by the girls. But in middle school, they where the ones mocking me. Girls joked that so-and-so was so desperate she was dating me. So those next two years, I began the practice of eating in teachers rooms.

And then ninth grade came, along with the most drastic turnaround of my life. I changed schools (again) to one across the valley, where, for whatever reason, I was respected. Nobody once picked on me, even if they picked on other students. I attributed it to my growth spurt. I attributed a lot of things to my growth spurt.

Like the fact that, according to my friends, some girls had crushes on me. I think it was due to the fact that I usually came off as a brainer, but they insist I am "cute". Which is really a detestable description.

I'm in my senior year now, and I have a few friends. Not a lot, but we're all pretty close. I love my friends to death, and we have fun. But freshmen year is still my favorite.

Freshman year, I was still alone. But oddly, it didn't bug me. I made fun things for me to do, jokes for nobody but myself. I was content with knowing that I was respected, even admired by a very few. I wish now that I am the way I was that year. I wish I wasn't so obsessed with my appearance, so reliant on my friends opinions. I wish I could stop thinking about love, and romance, and if I'll ever find either.

But wishing wont do anything. So the goal now is to escape from this shitty little town, live as much as I can, and hope I'm not forgetting anything.