I would imagine all these journals about Michelle must be getting tedious. But I feel like I need to get it all out somewhere.

I keep starting conversations with her when I see her online, and I am not sure if she talks to me to be polite, or if she actually wants to. I asked was I annoying her tonight, because she seemed quiet. But she said no, she was chatting to her flatmate and watching tv, and was having trouble multi-tasking. She did however say we should meet up if I still want to. I mentioned meeting up a few weeks ago and she said yeah sure, but she was a little swamped with college. When she mentioned it tonight, that was the second time she brought it up. Which I guess I found as reassurance that maybe I'm not an absolute cling-on. But then I also thought, what if she wants to meet up to ask me to go away entirely.

I feel like I am in this weird place with things. It feels like I am in the middle of one of those agonising crushes, where I want to see and talk to her and be with her all the time. But at the same time I don't think I really want to get back together either-because I know it wouldn't work. I feel like I want things to be normal with us, but then normal for us is being in a relationship with each other. It's the only way we have ever really known each other. Does this mean I am confused about what I want?

I think what I am looking for is to know she is not indifferent to me. It's like I still want to have that special little place with her, but thats not really possible either, I do know that.

My friend says I need to just go out and meet someone else, and just have fun, kiss some more people. I think she might be right. Like I know right now another relationship would be an awful idea, but I suppose it would be nice to have someone else around to take my mind off of obsessing about this so much.Make me move on.

It's been over two and a half months since we broke up, and I am still completely all over the place.I I think about it, and I think she was broken up with her ex 6 weeks when she got with me. What the hell was she thinking?