We had our second drug presentation done in school a yesterday. Those're always fun.
The district drug counselor showed us a video on Ecstasy. I always love these drug presentations, because the drugs always fascinate me. But I've always sworn that I would never try drugs, and DEFINITELY never get addicted to anything. I'm smarter than that.
I've always said swimming is my drug. And I'm starting to realize that's increasingly true.
You may notice I'm posting at a time I never post during the weekdays.
From 4:40-7:30, I never post anything. Because I'm at swimming.
But we have a concert today. A big one. I have to go. And therefore have to miss swimming.
And it's stressing me unduly. I always think of what I'm missing. It gives me more stress than one practice should.
It seems I have an addiction that I didn't know was possible. One to swimming. It is in many ways like drugs.
It makes me feel good, gives me an escape, gives me something to do. Otherwise I'd be bored.
It helps me fit in. At swimming at least.
It's slightly more respectable than using drugs, as I'm still accomplishing something, winning things, getting fit, and basically actually doing something with my life rather than putting it in a pipe and smoking it.
But, it is, for all intents and purposes, the same.
I've been doing it too much.
In the past few weeks, things have started to go awry. I've not been eating as much as I used to. I've been missing some school assignments.
And that doesn't even count the physical damage.
I don't know if it's due to swimming, but I've been getting some joint pain in the past few weeks. Starting with my shoulder, and then moving on. Now my left hip will also bother me after standing on it for too long.
I feel very old.
I will just get sudden joint pain sometimes when I want to lift something. When I lift a stand or something in orchestra with my left arm, I will sometimes get a sudden flare of pain on my arm.
It comes and goes.
The pain isn't bad, but it's definitely not good.
But I CAN'T stop swimming. It would destroy me. I NEED it now. It gives me a sense of accomplishment. Like I'm doing something. Something that has always freaked me out is, I'm 13 now. But I'll be 14 in exactly a month. And it's surprising how quickly a year can go by. I can easily recall the beginning of 6th grade.
I have a stub of middle school left, and after that it's high school.
I have to study to get a good job.
But I'M FREAKIN 13 NOW! I need to make this physically the peak of my life while I still can. Enjoy high school. Enjoy youth.
It's hard to fit in swimming, schoolwork, and just being a kid all into one day, but it can be done, and I feel deeply that in the future, some other me, some new Chad, will thank me for it. From the bottom of his gay little heart.
But what's the point of being physically strong if I destroy my body in the process so it can't be used in the same way again?
But gawd. I just CAN'T STOP swimming, and it all just makes me want to scream.