The one on my shoulder..
I've had this window open for an hour or so I guess just waiting to strike any keys on my board before I open my big mouth or whatever in this situation and rant..probably not endlessly but it'll sure feel like it.

I know the rhinovirus is part of it, probably a key role at that.
but I just feel so gosh dang not here.
Like I've used everyone dry until it caused a reverse reaction of artificial moisture that they soaked me with.
like i'm buried under all of this. all of their smiles and happiness
that I think is great
it's what I stand for
"live for a living"
my goal in life.

Maybe because i'm being out shined by everyone elses living and my living just doesnt seem up to par.
but then I know that just isn't right.

I was so used to being lonely I didn't feel alone anymore until she took me out for Thai food and showed me around local flea markets.
I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in lust
all I really want is a friendship that lasts through thick and through thicker.
I used to have it with myself.
then I got too scared of being one of those people you can't talk to cuz they're so wrapped up around each nerve in their own body
I had a taste of it, and I liked not having to depend on anybody to entertain me, to stay up with me, to understand me.
then I got too scared of being one of those people.. you know
so I reached out, of course.
all in vain, pretty much.
I guess that was my mistake, lesson learned.