It's strange that a conversation with my sister about my relationship with Michelle, actually made me feel better about things. Usually my sister, while well meaning, can sometimes make me feel worse about things generally. She started to point out all the things that were wrong with the relationship from where she saw things, in that she didn't think we were compatable people at all.
She pointed out to me, how controlling and disrespectful she had been towards me, and could even give me a few examples. She wasn't saying it to be mean, just in general conversation, and what she was saying made sense and hit me like a wet fish in the face. Before this, I had been thinking I brought all this on myself, because everyone else kept telling me how right she had been for me, and how cute we were together. But I don't know, obviously my sister seen some of the things nobody else really did either about our relationship.
I feel like I have finally made progress in that I have moved forward a little bit, in that I don't want to get back together anymore. I have stopped looking at that like a maybe option. It's progress, but now I face the decision of where do I go from here. Right now I know that going out and seeing Michelle and her ex around on nights out is not a good idea for me, but at the same time the problem is that most, infact nearly all of my gay friends are intertwined within that group. I don't want to isolate myself completly. I think right now my plan of action is to get through my thesis, and put my energy into that, and not try spread myself too thin trying to be social and meet people and get that done. I think once thats done...stuff might fall into place.
Though I still hate that she goes out and does what she likes, without a care of if I am going or if it will effect me.Asshole.