When I broke up with girlfriend #1, she HATED me. No wonder. I had no idea how to deal with having a girlfriend.
But she was so NICE. That she could hate anyone that much, and that that person was me, saddened me.
But I didn't sink into despondency. I did all I could do. Just let her cool off a while, and slowly slowly slowly reassert myself.
It took almost 2 years. But now we're EXTREMELY good friends again.
When something bad happens, brooding about it is pretty well the worst thing you can do.
If you regret doing something, so what? It's not going to change anything.
It's okay to have regrets, I have some myself, but beating yourself up over them is not what you should be doing.
Last night, I realized all of a sudden, that I might have to go single to every prom ever.
I realized this great time that everyone else can have might have been taken away before I had the brain capacity to understand the word prom.
This brought back all that "why me?" stuff, and then, I realized something.
WTF AM I DOING?!!!
Yes, I may have to go single to proms. So? Thinking about it won't make it any better. I had to crawl out of my hole, and do something.
What's the point of getting depressed about it? What's that gonna do? What I SHOULD be doing, is working on how to ENJOY being gay as much as possible, rather than forgetting about the goods in the wake of the bads.
This is kinda for Shelby. I've heard multiple people today complain, almost the EXACT same words "She is not the only one who has problems. Why does she freak out every time something bad happens?"
I must agree, in part. Sometimes, during the day, I get all stary, just looking into space, because I'm imagining my gay life (will I ever get a boyfriend?). It makes me sad sometimes.
But, most people are a lot shallower than I would hope, and they get annoyed by freaking out. So I have to be happy. I forget about it.
If you really try, just try, it actually is easier than it seems. STOP BROODING.
Also, the VERY worst thing you can do in a period of weakness is to get angry.
I have seen people get depressed, and that makes them get angry at people.
If you strike out at the people who care about you because of your problems, it will only cause A LOT more problems, making you angrier, again.
It's a vicious circle.
Finally, Shelby, don't worry if you're a bad person. If you ever have to ask "am I a good person?", that in itself makes you a good person.
Bad people don't care if they're bad, hence, what makes them bad.