is that an insult or a compliment?

Half a league half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred:
'Forward, the Light Brigade!
Charge for the guns' he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

'Forward, the Light Brigade!'

Congratulations on making it through all you've been through, Kiwi. Having been here through a lot of it with you, I know how hard your life has been at times, and I'm proud of the way you've always managed to deal with the challenges in your life, though I wish some of your coping mechanisms had been a bit less harmful. We all get by the best way we can, thogh. The really important thing is that we get by. Now you can get on to the good stuff.

At a certain age, all of you go through this here on O. Sometimes, it's just a gradual reduction in posts until the person is just no longer active. Sometimes they say good-bye to kind of mark their transition from one phase of life to another. Some stay, because they still have a lot to work out and they feel like this is a safe, supportive place to do it in (which is the truth). Some turn around and give back to those coming up the ladder behind them. It's a personal decision, and there is no wrong one. Speaking for myself, I've been very glad to have you here. As long as you want to stay, I'll be glad to see you, and if at any point you decide to leave us, I'll miss you, but I'll wish you all the best in life, and hope that you keep in touch.

Love,
Pat

_________________________________

- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay & lesbian characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"

Now I feel like the oddball. I can complement each and every person's journal/comment with some witty rhetoric, or a Sage-like nutty reply. But I don't really see where I fit... my sig says it all, in my opinion...

"Oh what tangled webs we weave, When we practice to deceive. I know you well, Actions and motives. Bear the cross, wear the crown, it's just some evil you can't bleed out. Hell has to notice, Your actions and motives." 10 Years, Actions And Motives

I don't think you have to be as old as Pat to give good advice here. I always describe Oasis as a peer support site, so we're the exceptions.

Ages ago, when I was a music major, I was volunteering in an elementary school, and I was giving lessons on instruments I didn't play myself yet. Since they were very early books, though, they showed every new note in detail, and then incorporated that new note into a song. The teacher said I didn't really have to learn how to play the flute well, I just had to get one page ahead of the student.

So, to be useful on Oasis, you only have to be able to share what's happened to you, even if it happened last week. Swimmerguy is young, but can give perfect advice to anyone who may be outed at school, or have a girlfriend they want to come out to, etc.

The secret to Oasis is that half of what you say doesn't matter (which explains what I write half the time, heh), but just that people know that they've been heard. That's what most people are looking for. They reach out into the void, and other people let them know they aren't alone. At its core, that's all there is. If someone is thinking of coming out, and asks advice, everyone shares their thoughts, and most of the time, they find their own path to coming out anyway. But our replies said they were heard, and that no matter how their coming out goes, they have a place to come after that, to celebrate, freak out, or vent.

You did luck out there with your in-person meeting. I still chat him up occasionally on Facebook, and he's been in a relationship for a few years now, both at the same school, etc. In fact, I was just sending his boyfriend's resume to a friend at Google a little while back. Over the years, I've met a lot of people who come through San Francisco, some major users, some lesser-known users, and oddly enough, some of the lurkers who don't post (didn't sleep with any, oh well...), and Oasis played some role in their life for them to want to look me up. But that role is different for everyone.

Some people leave when the world of being out, meeting people in real life, etc., stops being off in the future and is their reality. Others like to hang out a bit longer and help people younger than them avoid some of the pitfalls they may have encountered. I can't speak for Pat or elph or any of the old folk on here, since I'm in a unique role on Oasis. A lot of my time is deleting spammers, answering pm's, tech support questions and, lately, planning for the new version of Oasis. At 14 years in, I can definitely attest to there being a cycle here, with many people starting off when they have questions and concerns, and leaving when those are answered or settled. When people have asked me, I've said they should volunteer in a supportive role for half as long as they needed it, which means we get you for two more years! ;-)

Sounds like you're already shifting into offering more support to others rather than needing as much for yourself, or just not documenting your own experience as much. And certainly any user will benefit from you helping them like that. And, of course, if anything happens and you're frustrated and need to reach out, you know what to do.

Like everything else in life, this site is what you make of it. Thankfully, due to people like you, this is a supportive place where people feel welcome, heard, valued, and loved. If there weren't as many peers offering such great support, I couldn't write half the nonsense I do. ;-)

---
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain

i feel the same way sometimes about being stuck in the middel and still using this site, but you are a cool kid, and like pat was saying, congrats on making it thru all the shit you have in the last few years dude. lol-taire makes some good points. hows things been? long time.

-hell

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman