hey hey hey!..... ... festering cunts!

my dear boyfriend just left, he spent all last night and this morning "fixing" my computer, deleting heaps of programs and installing a few, it's his fun so i just shut up, he fucks around on the computer and i draw next to him. we take breaks though, to have sex mostly...sometimes eat. anyway as a result of that little session my computer is running super slooooowwwww lol. if he was anybody else i'd kill him.

It's really nice, actually. he comes home from work, i was at a gay forum meeting, and i made him dinner while he fiddled on the computer, and made him coffee and put out some food until the food is ready, and coke. then he ate while i showered and cleaned the kitchen. he then worked more on the computer while i drew and we chatted, then we turned the lights off and cuddled for like ageeeeesss. then we had...mind...blowingly...great....SEX! it's so much fun to be versatile :)
hmm, then in the morning, pretty much the same, he made me coffee, and i made him again later. him on the computer and i tidied the house up, had sex again, showered, talked, more computer and drawing, lol, then he left.

sorry for the detailed description, just...makes me happy, to have him.

hmm, today is satan's birthday, she's turned 24 i believe, i forgot about it until my mum told me, she expects me to talk to her...or take part in their celebration...i say it's an international day of mourning, on this day, 24 years ago, the manifestation of evil upon the earth was born, and wasted none of the 21 years it had to bully me. So, no, i don't think i'll ring, or celebrate with them, instead i'll draw, watch 2012 and tonight i'll have my boyfriend fuck the brains right out of me. tada!

do i sound terribly house-wifish? i suppose i do, but i always liked cleaning, with no connection to him, it relaxes me, as does cooking, so if i i can do something i like and make him feel cared for, what's wrong with that? it doesn't make me weak, im just very caring toward my boyfriend, i want him to feel good, to be satisfied, to be happy, and i think he wants the same for me, even if he's a little slow to pick up on how to do that. I suppose im a bit of a black hole when it comes to affection, it's never enough, but it's also never taken for granted, it's truly heartwarming, and the longer we're together the better i feel about myself, the more energy i've got and the less i need constant affection and validation. he's changing me, which is good, coz i need to be changed.

he's just amazing, with his yellowish-green eyes and porcelain skin, he looks like a fucking vampire sometimes. grr and he's so hot!! even if he wears silly underwear.

this has turned into a "talk about mark" post... my bad.

I went yesterday to a human resources place, they told me im barely employable but that they'll be in touch. charming...

oh yeh and the men's gay forum meeting i went to yesterday, lol twas silly, funny. one guy kept eyeing me and started something, a lawyer, 38, tall and skinny with blue eyes. i can tell that he will become a problem if i let him get near me. when i left yesterday i was feeling kinda bummed, just felt bad that i was there hanging out with a group of gay guys, probably they have all had sex with eachother, by association at least lol. i don't want to get into that, i love mark, like a lot. don't want to feel like im "looking around" or whatever, though obviously i clocked on to that guy, and that's what made me kind of angry at myself. then immediately after the meeting i met mark and i felt better and happier, fell in love with him all over again, and later that night when we were cuddling, i felt so lucky, and that it was crazy to even recognise the other guy's existence when my boyfriend is this amazing, beautiful man. so i guess im still angry at myself for that. Im not going anywhere though, im completely devoted to mark, he's the only one i want now.

even before when i dated other guys, i used to still about david, but i don't think about him anymore, especially not when im with mark, i don't compare them either, like i used to with other guys. mark is the first boyfriend ive had since david that i feel exclusively about. there's a purity and stableness to the way i feel about mark that i haven't felt in a long time. like when i got my "eros" tattoo, i believed so much in it, but after it the meaning faded, at some point i didn't believe in love at all anymore. but mark's been igniting all my old beliefs and passions, he's been restoring my energy and my self-esteem. so yeh...that's good right?

lol, i'll say this and shut up about him: sex with him is incredible. he's a big fan of the 69, and since the beggining we've been barebacking (i know...don't give me a lecture), and he's the first guy i ever let cum inside me, i can't describe how great that feels.

probably said to much, lol, but oh well it had to come out at some point to somebody. I should really tell these things to my girlfriend Rina, she's coming over for the weekend, can't wait for that, just not sure how im going to fit myself, her and her giant tits in bed. gonna have to do some food shopping too, and change the sex sheets. i just ate my last can of tuna lol, with super stale, like week old bread, but i toasted it so it's ok lol.

love to love you fuckers!
xoxo