It is 12:35 am. What am I still doing awake? As the title implies, this will probably get obnoxiously mopey. It also might get pretty weird.

As you may or may not have guessed, I have never dated nor kissed nor had any contact with another guy. I live in a small, conservative area, so I guess that is not surprising. My only worry is that if I am ever in a relationship, I'm going to be clueless. So, after some thought, I have come up with a solution; I am going to have faux dates with my friends.

At this point, it's really only logical. They are all single, female, and they all know I'm gay. I think that they would all be pretty comfortable with it as well. It sounds kind of fun to get dressed up and go through the steps, maybe go out to eat, or to a movie. It's not like there is anything else to do in this sh-t hole of a town.

Also, last halloween, I had my first kiss, and it was with a friend of mine. It was entirely non Romantic; she knew I was gay, and it was done on a dare (my friends and I weren't drunk or high, just extremely bizarre). But it got me thinking about practice kissing.

In short, I kinda want to learn how to kiss well --- practice for when the time comes. But I am hesitant about asking a friend to help. They might agree, but that could open some kind of Pandora's box of awkward. So, it's either that or practice with someone I don't know that well (possibly even more awkward) or just wait till I actually meet someone who I actually want to kiss.

For now, I am stuck. Should I try the kissing thing? I'm willing to take a risk; I just want to know if it is worth it.