In Memory of My Dark Angel

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In case any of you missed the post on Friday by his brother, Jon Oswald, known on Oasis as Commander147, passed away on December 27th. He had been fighting cancer for some time, and now the battle is over. His birthday was in March, so he was almost 22.

Most of you are probably unaware that he and I had a romantic relationship that lasted for nearly three years, though to call it stormy would be an understatement. He broke it off suddenly a few months ago but didn't tell me why until just the other day, when I got the message he left for me. When the cancer came out of remission, he decided that he didn't want me to have to go through what he knew was going to be a very rough end. I wish he had decided otherwise, but it was his choice to make.

Jon is the real-life inspiration for Jonathan Starlander, the hero of the sci-fi series that is next on my list. It's going to be awfully hard to do now, but he really wanted to be a sci-fi hero, and I really want him to be young and strong forever - so I'll find a way to get it done.

I love you, Jon.

Hey Pat, good to see you here again. I really do hope you're okay.. take it easy on yourself. I remember Commander147 on this site and although I don't remember much, I do know that he was very special to you (I remember reading journal entries about you two being together). That was a very moving video, and I'm sorry that this has happened. Many of us know you've been through a lot, you're a very strong and inspiring individual. Rest in peace Jon, good luck with the inspiration you have your novel, and all the best.

Do drop by once in a while ay. It's good to hear from you.

I guess this post explains a lot. Like everything. So strange. And I long for the locality that Jon is in, but. . .

Having such a different view of Death, and having lived for it for more that 3/4 of my life, I don't really know what to say. I see it as a temporary separation where AT & T just don't connect, and where USPS just doesn't deliver, and something that can hurt more than anything to those left behind.

Hope he visits your dreams and maybe changes your outlook on death. Remember that I did almost kill myself in 1977, and the other side of The Veil is just that. The other side of The Veil. Another realm, closer to HOME.

I'd hug you if I were there. Probably share a few tears, too.

for me to share your pain. i havent experisneced anything close to it, im sure. i can only hope that you can honor his memory well

experince the awe and mystery that reaches from the deepest inner mind to the outer limits!

My condolences to all who knew and loved Jon.

I arrived too late... but, Pat, you have made Jon real by just letting all know that he was loved.

I despair that some are obliged to leave while yet so young...

very sad. I've only been here for about 5 months and I never knew him. My heart goes out to you Pat and to everyone else dealing with this loss. I can't imagine how hard this must be, though I believe he'll live on through those that loved him. And Pat I think it's so wonderful that you're going to make Jon a sci-fi hero, and I'm sure you'll do your best to honor his memory.

May he rest in peace. Pat I hope that you'll be able to find your own peace with this, in your own time.

I know how you feel old friend. I had my grandfather and one of my "moms" (mother's best friend) die of cancer, and 3 other friends die in car accidents, and one who blew his brains out... I'm right there with you in the sad factor. I could use a bit of your amazing advice though. please read my most recent post...

Listen to the howling winds of your heart, and if the beat moves you, dance. "I wanna heal, I wanna feel, what I thought was never real!"

It's nice to be back after so long, even if it is under the worst possible circumstances, because no matter how long I'm away, I always get so much love when I return, and i can certainly use all I can get right now.

Thanks to all of you for your kind words about Jon. He was a very special part of my life, and will be forever. I hope to make his counterpart, Jonathan Starlander, equally special to all the fans of the Starlander series. I'll keep you all appraised of my progress once I can get going on the first volume.

I've decided I'm going to try and get back into the routine of coming here regularly. I have two new publishing companies starting up in the spring, and with all the book commitments I have, I'm more busy than ever. But I miss everyone here so much, even those of you I don't know yet, and I think it would do me good to come back. Hopefully it would do some of you some good as well.

I have my message alerts turned on again. Just remember my rule please, and don't ask me for one-on-one advice unless it's a special situation. I want to help you by commenting on your journal and forum posts, so that I can help as many others as possible at the same time. If you want to make sure I see your post, feel free to send me a PM alerting me of it. Otherwise, use good judgment, okay?

I am just starting to come out of the "hit by a truck" phase of this, so I may be scarce still for a little while. Thanks again for all your love and support. It means a lot to me. I'll see you all soon.

Hugs,
Pat

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- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay & lesbian characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"
http://www.chroniclesoffirma.com

I can't stand seeing you in such a state...

I love you. Please don't leave us.

---

I love you.

If you are not getting confirmation e-mails from Oasis to complete your membership, don't hesitate to e-mail jeff at oasismag dot com. Be sure to include your username.

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3 January, 2010 - 9:48am — Uncertain