Okay. Next door to me live three kids. Two girls, one in fourth grade (Cynthia) and one in third grade (Mackenzie), and one six-year-old boy (Christian). They moved in about two years ago, and at first I was happy... more kids to babysit for! Then I realized that they were pure evil.

Over the past two years, they have tried to kill me multiple times. No, I am not joking. The first time happened shortly after they moved in. It was summer, and my sister had rounded up a few of the neighborhood children to stage a water battle. I was in the garage, helping her find a foam pool sword, when the kids came over and asked if they could play too. My sister said sure (at that time we thought they were perfectly normal) and explained the game. A few minutes later, they come outside with REAL WEAPONS. Cynthia says calmly (like any child in any horror movie would), "There's Kristi. Let's kill her." And she comes at me with a foot-long RUSTY HUNTING KNIFE. The game ended quickly. I ran inside with my sister and locked the door.

More attempts have been made, including the two times I have babysat for them. The one today consisted of them ambushing me as I walked down the driveway to get the mail. They had been digging for worms, but the moment I stepped outside, found a better use for their shovels. Namely, another attempted murder. I walked inside, fending off the shovel blows, and informed my dad who asked them nicely to get off our property.

Yep. So I am lucky to be alive. Yay.