I lost my rainbow piano wristband yesterday, and it was like losing a friend.
I found it about the time when I was just starting to get comfortable with myself, and starting to come out. I thought about how weird it was that someone had managed to drop this wristband in the middle of the hall, especially because no one in the group ahead of me noticed it.
I was still uncomfortable with myself, yet I put it on anyway, like it was my duty.
I loved it for the most part. Except when I had my gayness self hate meltdown a month or two ago. I was in the fetal position, then I noticed the wristband, and I thrust it away.
It flew away and hit the wall and landed on my desk. I was mad that it had landed on the central hub of my room.
But I later forgave it. And then I loved it, because it made me feel great. It helped me in manners large and small, and it made a great statement, but what I liked most of all was that it taught me PRIDE. I became proud that I was gay.
Then, yesterday, someone stole someone else's goggles, and they ran through the locker room, and knocked my swim bag from it's perch on the bench. My stuff spilled all over, and my wristband managed to find its way under the bench, and it was hidden from my site. I left without checking to see I had it.
But I do not mourn it. I got it for free, and lost it for free. Months of support gained, nothing lost.
I sometimes fantasize it was magical.
It came into my possesion when I needed it most, and then it left when I no longer needed it's support. And now, maybe some other gay guy has it, and it is now supporting him the way it supported me. And when he no longer needs it, it shall leave him too, traveling all over the world over many years, helping gay people just starting to cope with their sexuality.