So it's a few hours past midnight. I thought I'd go for a run, I almost did but then I refrained myself. I wanted to feel the breeze brushing against my face, traversing down the gentle slope of my street, and listening to the stillness of the night. But it's late. It's dark. And it's not safe. I know of people who have been jumped in the park near my house. But somehow the risk of it all excited me. It made me want to do it even more.

I haven't been sleeping well lately. It goes in cycles. But tonight it just frustrates me. I want to punch something. I even want to punch myself for some reason. But no I remain composed and controlled and here I am tamed and tapping away on tiny keys of my laptop. There's also something stuck under my 'q' key. It makes it very hard to press. The way it defies me makes me think things are edging out of my control. Pathetic fallacy, I know. But I'm sure we all have those moments.

I got my passport sorted yesterday. I was conscripted into the Taiwanese army actually. It had to be renewed and thank God I have residency in New Zealand. Otherwise, bye bye Oasis for a year because I'm going off potentally fighting for a country I don't even live in.

I also got a library card while I was in city. I got some books out. I'm reading the New Zealand Bill of Rights. It's quite interesting. My friend also lent me a copy of the novel White Teeth. It's supposed to be really good. I shall see.

And I tried to make myself apple crumble tonight. I don't think I added enough brown sugar. The topping wasn't crumbly at all. It was like a layer of bread. The mussel soup was nice though. I have to give myself credit for that.

Oh, and I applied for a job at a bar. I was drunk, and the bartender and I had a good chat (we're even friends on facebook now...) - so why not. But it probably won't happen. At least not until I come back from holiday.

Grandpa passed away and my brother is guilt tripping my mom about it all. He's such an ungrateful and hypocritical little shit. My mom called me being all upset and all. I had to comfort her. She's so vulnerable. There's such a role reversal going on. I'm only eighteen, and I dispense her advice frequently. I don't mind it. Parents are not infallible, I've known that for a while. But I just don't want to feel sorry for her. It makes me uncomfortable a child should feel sorry for their parent - especially over what their other child did to them. What a great power imbalance.

I want to have a drink. But nothing's left except cheap cask wine in a plastic bag. It worked out to be less than a dollar a drink. I had to get it. It tastes like plastic syrup. I should really cut back on the drinking.

So maybe I should go for that run. My mind needs to be somewhere else.