Just went on date with a thirty-two year old. He's well built, but I have to admit hs face looked far better under dim light when I met him at the bar. Maybe that's why people always look a lot more attractive in town. He's a lawyer AND a doctor. We watched Avatar in 3D. He kept playing with my hand and arm... I didn't reciprocate much. I wasn't very interested to be honest. He's lame. The best thing today was probably the movie. He tried to take me back to his house but I made up some stupid excuse... I hope he sees I'm not too interested. I told him I'm a chronic smoker and then asked how to say his name again at the end sort of just to put him off. He probably got the message.

My luck with boys these few days have just been really weird. Two nights ago at that massive party (the joint party I had) I had two guys hit on me. Just not my type. Call me picky or whatever. I can imagine some people would fantasise about the idea of "straight" guys trying to get with them at a party. I definitely used to when I was a lot younger. But I just wasn't interested, my mind was just somewhere else. It's not really a rare occurence for me anyway. I've dated two guys I met and hooked up with at house parties (one kept stalking the parties I went to until his friend finally told me that was happening).

Well, at that party two night ago one of them (GUY A) was just a sleeze. Well he probably wasn't, if I was into him I'd probably call the whole thing 'hot', 'sexy' or 'cute'. Just shows how subjective everything is. But he kept pulling me to the side trying to talk to me alone which just got really really frustrating, but I'm just such a nice person I never lashed out. First he kept smiling at me, then it was the sleazy "I can stay a bit longer if you know what I mean + wink" when I was walking to find someone. Being the concerning host I am I told him he probably should leave with his emo/punk mates that are leaving soon but he insisted on staying. He probably thought I didn't get what he was trying to say, but of course I did. Then he pulled me to the side and told me he's bisexual and expected us to bond simply over that. Of course not. Afterwards I tried to surround myself with as many people as possible and ignore him... and he'd still stare at me... or stand real close all the time but not say a single word. Then he tried to impress me by trying to pull a buckie (smoking weed from a coke bottle) when my friend asked him if he wanted some cause he was just there doing nothing. He couldn't even do it probably. He looked like he was going to die. Why go through all the effort. He just looked like an idiot.

Then the other guy (GUY B)... he's a good guy. He's from school. I love him as a friend. He's a cyclist so he's got the nicest body. But I don't really like his face. The irony is I actually went and ranted to him about GUY A and what he was doing... then GUY B was like "well Max I've always thought we had some chemistry too". I asked him what he meant and he was like "well Max why do I have to completely straight?". He sounded very nervous. I had a talk with him about it. I said he should come out. He's really anxious about it, I think he's in a lot of denial. He would use euphenisms and he looked like he was going to cry. He was drunk off his face, so I went and got him a glass of water. He seems to have an inferiority complex. He kept saying "But everyone loves you Max" as if he wasn't good enough to come out or something... I told him he needs to feel confident about who he is. Then I felt he thought he wasn't good enough for me - because he started saying "Max don't settle for anything less okay. Promise me that. You're too good for that..." I probably would've gotten with him but circumstances being what it is I didn't. It would've been unfair though. Being my arrogant self I would've destroyed him. People also started smashing bottles down the back so I have go sort that shit out cause the other hosts were driving somewhere to buy stuff for a bonfire so I was in charge. They were some ball-less pussies from some posh high school who think they're so cool so I told them to pick their shit up or get the fuck out or i'll call the police. They cleaned their shit up. Not so cool now huh? GUY B got my number though.

Um, both GUY A and GUY B tried to stay the night. But got kicked out by the girl who owns the house in the end.

Oh, and some Canadian guy from school also came out to a group of us a few days ago... and shocked nobody. My other mate BW is trying to get with him, and I'm trying to help him out. They'll be real cute together.

People shouldn't like me. I'm just horrible. But at least I'm being honest. I don't need to make compromises.

I need to fall madly deeply in love with someone and completely break my heart. I haven't for way too long.