Oh God, Really?
I'm not out of the closet. Everyone thinks I'm a straight girl. Who just so happens has never had a boyfriend.
My best friend meant well, she really did. She knows this guy who's looking for a girlfriend, I'm single, so she told him to call me.
She told me about this guy and everything, and I'm like, "Sure, fine... whatever."
He calls, we wind up talking for like, over 40 minutes. Not one minute was pleasant. He kept saying things like how my friend said I was waiting for his call (not true, and she never told him that).
I was cringing the whole time. I wanted nothing to do with it.
After I got off the phone, I wanted to cry. I just wanted to sob. That whole experience was just another thing that completely proved that I'm gay. I mean, there's nothing I can do about it; I just don't like guys.
I can't even accept myself, even though I've known for 2 years that I'm gay. And if I can't accept myself, how can I expect others to accept me?
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Comments
Sometimes, a huge stepping
Sometimes, a huge stepping stone in accepting yourself is to just come out and tell people, even if just one person.
For me, I struggled with it all throughout high school. I didn't accept myself. It took time to muster up the courage to tell a few friends, but once I did, I found that having them know and having them there to talk to, and since they were so accepting of me, slowly but surely I grew to accept and embrace myself.
From my experience, every person I've told as of now, easily has accepted me WAY faster than it took me to accept myself! ie like instantly, where as it took me multiple, unnecessary, years.
Don't make yourself go through anymore of those phone calls or anything of the sort. When it has you next to tears, it's self harm. and you also have to consider the other persons feelings in the long run as well.
If you need someone to talk to, don't be shy to drop me a line!
Thank you so much. You
Thank you so much.
You really made me feel better. I apreciate all of your advice. And just knowing that someone read all of that made me feel better.
taste the rainbow is right
taste the rainbow is right (that's the second time in a very short while that i've said that, lol)--maybe you need to let other people accept you before you'll be able to accept yourself. coming out to my friends just made things so incredibly easier--i rarely talk to them about it, honestly, but just knowing that they know and they're still my friends makes things easier for me.
*hug* i'm sorry you had to go through that. my whole group is a bunch of single girls, so that's not an issue for me...but i can imagine how painful that must've been. sounds to me like that girl friend is the first person you should come out to--i'm sure she means well.
good luck!
---
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!
*HUGS* and *RAINBOWS* for
*HUGS* and *RAINBOWS* for you. I am also here if you need someone to talk to. (Or is it too?)
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Oscar Wilde
welll
coming out for me...one of the worst moments of my life was that split second when i told my first person, and her eyes were unreadable. but it was so worth it. it took her about 5 seconds to belive me, andthen was all hugs and support. it was the best decisoion i ever made. also theres a certain exhileration from it, telling someone, like you just got off a rolloer coaster :) if i were you i would go for it...ask your closest friends what they think of gays(my question was "one of my friends just came out to me as gay, what would u do in my situation?") whoever you think has the most supportive response, after some mental preperation, take them off alone and tell them. it sounds scary but it will help you sososososo much
experince the awe and mystery that reaches from the deepest inner mind to the outer limits!
If you want to come out,
If you want to come out, come out. If you aren't ready yet, though, you could just tell people you don't want to date right now. Whatever you do, don't put yourself through any more awkward faking like what you just described. It doesn't get easier.
As for accepting yourself, I don't know what to tell you. It's not as if you can do much else, except maybe be perpetually uncomfortable with the facts of life while at the same time unable to change them. If it helps any, just writing this at all shows some level of acceptance-you at least aren't in denial.