i've become pretty lazy with my writing lately. i haven't written much about anything, and i've been neglecting the endless story i've been writing for quite a while.

i miss the way i used to write, sitting around for a couple hours, writing everything i thought about, everything i needed out of my system. but lately, i just let it all out in baking, which i can't really look back on. i can just gain the weight from it. o_o pointless, right?

i have been writing letters. i wrote my best friend taylor (in texas) a letter, and she should have gotten it yesterday, i wrote ashley (that girl i rant about a lot, from new york...) a letter, but i couldn't mail it (she'd get in trouble with her girlfriend. go figure.), and i'm considering writing jazi a letter.

jazi. that's an interesting subject. i added her as a friend on myspace along with manymany other girls in my surrounding area as an attempt to get over my ex, tara. not many of them stayed around for long, but jazi and i have formed an odd relationship.

when we talk, she keeps a smile on my face, and i hope i do the same for her. she makes me laugh, and i admire her a great deal, but i'm not sure how far that goes. i do like her, a lot. and she's close to me, just forty-five minutes away, which is rare when it comes to my internet friends. we don't talk much, due to my being grounded all the time, but when we do, it's amazing.

i don't know. i know i've liked jazi for a while, buttttttt...who knows. i don't want to ruin a friendship if she doesn't feel the same. and i don't want to sit here and list all the reasons i think she does like me, reading wayy too far into things. i'll just see where she wants to take this, which is absolutely fine with me. (:

right now i'm watching rock star, and wow, it's amazing. (: i love this movie, and i always have. i<3markwahlberg. (:

okay, so, if you look in my past posts, i've ranted about ashley before. i don't know if i've done it more than once, but i know i have before. well, here we go again.

her girlfriend of four years, nicole, has recently decided it's perfectly fine for her to take ashley's phone and act like she's ashley, as she talks to me. luckily, i've found out the difference between them and how nicole talks compared to ashley, but that doesn't stop it from bothering me.

earlier, i had asked ashley when she was going to her dad's. she lives with nicole, so when she goes to her dad's house, i can talk to her without nicole butting in and so on. well, i ask her about it, and she's like, "oh, i don't know, but soon," basically. so, i go on to talk about something stupid like i tend to do, something like how i like starburst or something just as stupid. and that whole time, ashley's going along with everything i'm saying, like, "yeah, i love those!" and whatnot. well, of course, nicole takes her phone while we're not talking, and this is about how the conversation went;

"ashley": why did you ask me when i'm going to my dad's?
me: uhmm, idk? why?
"ashley": why does it matter.
me: uh...it doesn't. i was just wondering. why are you flippin shit?
"ashley": because it doesn't make sense. it doesn't matter when i go to my dad's.
me: i didn't say it did. chill out. i ask you about that quite often, dear.
"ashley": don't call me dear.

and so i just didn't say anything. but, notice how she didn't use a question mark after her second question, and she said, "don't call me dear." those are both things that would NEVER happen with ashley. she's a freak about punctuation, grammar and spelling, and she's told me many times before that she thinks it's cute i call everyone dear.

fuck nicole, pardon my language. i hate her. like, if it wasn't for her starting drama between me and ashley (who, by the way, i've pretty much lost my feelings for, THANKGOD.), then i'd think a lot more of her. but it's petty things like this that make me think she's too insecure to even be in a relationship. sorry, but if you have to go through your partner's phone just to feel okay, something's wrong.

okay, done. (: haha, i actually feel a lot better after letting all that out. thankyou, oasis. :D