Went to a Halloween party yesterday. Dressed up as a fairy. People had some pretty nice costumes, there was Lady Gaga, a ladybug, Dracula, Zombie, Tinkerbell, James Bond and so on. Lol, James Bond even had a cardboard car, people didn't know he was Bond so everyone was just like "Hello car."

Tired. I didn't actually want to go to the party that much. Except I promised this boy (B) I would. He's in the year below at school, and I've been his confidant and friend for a while. He wanted a deep and meaningful and I promised I'd go tonight, and he sent me a text in the morning saying he was really excited about seeing me so I was kind of obliged to go. I bought some wine and dark chocolate. They're good for deep and meaningfuls. They're also expensive. Fuck.

So I got a little drunk. I'd be sitting on the sofa talking to someone else, and he'd come and put his arm around me. He played with my hair. At another point he even leaned his head on mine - like forehead to forehead. I can't exactly remember I was like. I think I was just very nonchalant, keeping the conversation going. He obviously likes me, but I don't like him. Definitely no emotional attachment. He's good-looking, he has the "emo" look. But, just, no.

Near the end of the night it was just me and him in the living room. We were lying together on the couch. He leaned on my chest the whole time. We talked. I think he almost cried.

I'm not going to let anything happen. I'm his confidant. I'm there to support him, not use him. I'm meant to be a sort-of constant figure for him. It feels like he has a confused attraction for me that resulted from that. He complains about this other boy he likes, and me counselling him must've confused him quite a bit. He's too fragile. If anything does happen between us, it'll just mess him up more.

So that's that. It's still flattering though.

And that guy I met in town texted me. He called me twice. He thought I'm a college student. He said he's a lawyer... which means he's at least in his mid 20s? I can't remember much from that night. He seems pretty whipped. I'll probably grab lunch with him some time.

There's this other girl which kind of likes me which I need to turn down. I barely know her. She remembered me from somewhere (which I still haven't figured out where), recognised me at a mall and said hi. Thanks to my absolutely amazing bullshitting and acting skills and ability to talk to 'new' people, we saved a lot of awkwardness. She asked for my number, searched and added me on facebook and called me a few times as well. Yesterday she asked if I wanted to go trick or treating with her. Just her. I said no (paraphrase that into some really long lovely nice sugarcoated bullshit). She only called me after I ignored like three of her texts. Okay, she obviously likes me. Man, I'm such a douche when people like me.

Oh... and J. Almost forgot about him. Who's J again? Oh, that's right. He's my "boyfriend". What a cock, he hasn't texted me in over two weeks. But I don't really care, I'm treating this like an open relationship. I've done what I can. Plus, I hate "couple talks", I'm not going to approach him for one of those. Whatever happens happens. He probably doesn't care, I don't care. Well, at least that went downhill fast - so much for "us the perfect pair" and "your flaws... well you don't have any" - he probably realised how naive he was. This is how it's supposed to be.

Just so I don't make myself look like a complete douche, me and friend drove around in a mini giving lollies to trick or treating kids on the road and shouting "HAPPY HALLOWEEN!". We were like the Santa of Halloween.

I'm only a douche when it comes to relationships. I'm so flawed. And I don't care. In fact, I like it the way I am.