Don't do it. Ever. Understood, my little chickens? Ever, ever, EVER! As you can imagine, I've had my own personal hellish experience and it did NOT end well.
I was madly, passionately, whateverly in love with this girl in 8th grade. I thought she was real sweet, y'know? No. Wrong. Sorry, wrong number, not available, goodbye.
I wasn't out to my school yet, so I wrote her a love poem with a pseudonym, thinking I'd stick it in her locker between classes and then she'd like fall in love with it and wait for more and etc etc etc...yea I don't need to describe my love-sick puppy fantasies to you chickens do I?
So anyway, I wrote a really good sweet poem about how I admired her beauty and strength and loved her etc....So since we had every single class together, I decided I'd stick it in her locker between Bio and Algebra and then get to watch her get it as I walked past her to the Algebra room.
So things went smoothly, I stuck it in and then 10 minutes later walked by and watched her pick it up and head into the classroom. All was peachy keen and wonderful. Until the actual class started. It just happened to be a free period because our teacher was absent so everyone just sort of moved around and talked to their friends. I had no friends though, so I sat at my desk and did the bookwork assigned like the good little nerd that I am.
Then the laughter started.
I heard it creeping up my arms and to my ears, like some kind of horrible vine of fear and hatred. I turned my head slightly and saw my beautiful "sweetie" sitting surrounded by all the kids who normally were my tormentors...reading. it. out. loud.
She sat there and in great dramatic flourishes read the poem aloud in a mocking love-sick voice. They all had a right bit of fun with it. Writting on it, reading bits and pieces over and over etc. Oh yes, and how could I forget the name calling? "Creep" "monster" "stalker" "freaky".
And there I sat. Little nerdling me. I couldn't do anything other than stare at the problems in the book and pretend to not hear. I don't cry, but that made me come pretty fucking close. Then I hear my name. I whip my head around and my heart is pounding suddenly, like it had stopped and was suddenly shocked into hyper-speed. She was standing now and she was laughing as she waved it and said "Have you SEEN this yet?!" and I shook my head no and nearly tripped over myself running to "ask the substitute a question"
At lunch I watched one of the boys walk around the entire cafeteria with my mutilated poem asking every boy if they'd written it. Showed it to them. And he asked all the girls if they had any idea. So obviously when he came to my table, he shoved it in my face and said "Yo, Shivs, you know who did this? It's so creepy, Stephanie is real freaked out and wants to find out who did it."
"No...no I have..no..I don't know."
I had told my two friends Hannah and Jamie about what happened. My last memory of that day is looking up from my lunch after he left and seeing them staring at me like I was a fragile vase or something. I glanced from one to the other and said ".....oops." And that's all I remember.
So what's the lesson here, chickenbutts? Don't EVER give ANYONE a love note or poem or letter or shit. It doesn't matter how much you think you know them or how much you think they're a sweetiepie, because people can surprise you in the most wonderful of ways.