I'm in a really crummy mood right now. I have no idea why. I had a good day, I'm not PMSing (cuz I know *someone* was gonna ask)...I dunno.

I just feel really down, and alone, and hopeless-ish. I guess it could be due to the fact that I haven't gotten in a decent texting convo with K in like 2 days, but I hope that's not it, it would be bad if she has that much of an effect on me.

Could be 'cause my mom and I went to a movie, "bonding time" I guess, and we ended up having...not even an argument, really, just a disagreement. And plus the movie (it was The Ugly Truth) wasn't exactly uplifting...I mean, it had a happy ending but it made me annoyed or something. ...It didn't though, I was really cheerful right after. It wasn't 'til awhile after that I got all...moody.

I don't even know. Meh! I hate feeling like this. Especially 'cause the only plausible cause (the whole not-texting-K deal) is not one that I want to allow.

I think the reason not talking to her is bothering me so much I 'cause I finally came up with a way to see if she likes me. (Say "K? I've been thinking...Do you think you could ever fall in love with a girl?"...Not bad, huh?) And I really wanna see her so I can do it in person. We hardly ever talk on the phone, and I don't want to ask her over text. And she doesn't email. And I am *not* doing the whole note thing again, too juvenile.

Ugh. *wipes face with hands* Guess I figured out what was bugging me, huh? I hate letting other people have such an effect on me. And I don't know why I'm suddenly way more...needy than I was before. I don't want to need her! Well...I don't mind needing her, but I want to be sure that she'll be there for me in the way I need her.

Another reason maybe I want her so much is I...um...wrote a little makeout fantasy the other day and I realized that I really do love her more than any of my previous crushes.

I can't wait much longer. I think I may actually talk to her soon. If, of course, I can squeeze myself into a gap in her schedule between soccer and recovery from soccer. Meh.

(Haha, ironic: I'm listening to Mamma Mia right now, and realizing how suitable it is.)

...Strange, I just realized, my journals here always end up longer than I plan them. I always start one with exactly what I'm gonna write in mind, and end up with like waay more. Typing lets me vent way more easily than a paper journal ever let me do.

I think that's it. No promises though. *rolls eyes at self*