i keep opening these things, but i can't put down in words what i wanna say.

what do i wanna say?

i wish everything would work out like it does in the movies, but if it did, then hollywood would be out of business. i wish i were as confident as i make myself out to be and i could be a charming as those guys on tv. i wish the stares i get would be ones of envy and desire not pity and surprise. i wish the stars didn't look like scars in the sky above me and i knew what jupiter looked like without having to squint through three separate lenses. i wish a beautiful girl would message me out the blue telling me how cute and funny i am and how she'd like to run off to the mountains of montana with me and open a diner for all the hungry cowboys and cowgirls. i wish the women i loved would love me back in the least platonic way possible. i wish i'd stop falling in love more times than a germaphobe washes hands and that every time my heart would go pitter-pat, it'd be for the same person whose same heart does the same thing. i wish i knew what real life looked like instead of reading about it through a computer screen.

in other words, i wish i knew how to make a real life out of a picture in a frame.