I didn't do it!! She just got in her car and drove away, and I didn't tell her. We hung out for like four hours, and I didn't tell her. I knew exactly what I was gonna say, and I couldn't do it. What the hell is wrong with me?? Am I really afraid of rejection like that?? I feel like what I'm doing is prolonging our friendship, because I think that telling her is gonna change things permanently, and I feel like it's for the worse. But GODDAMNIT I'm so pissed at myself for not telling her! I need a friend who knows about it who can make me tell her. Last crush, it took my friend literally shoving me into the choir room to confess. This time, nobody knows how I feel. Except you guys. And you can't exactly shove me into a room.

I'm kinda considering telling (a) friend(s) about Kara. I came out to three in the last two days, so now I only have a couple of close friends I'm not out to. But it's not a relief. It's just a pain in the butt. Cuz now that I'm out to them, why the hell can't I tell them about her? ...Cuz I'm chicken. And I feel like telling them would be almost disrespectful to her. I don't get it. I'm never like this with guy crushes.

WHY THE HELL DIDN'T I TELL HER????

I really hate myself right now. Really.