We have a long way to go.
It's a bit difficult for me to lay in bed at night. I've never had a lover before, so it's not like I know how it feels. But I can imagine. And for ten months I've imagined it enough. And I wish she could be laying next to me and I could hold her and look at her. I've wished it so much. I never knew I could have so much passion or feeling invested in one individual thing, or person. It's amazing. And at the same time it's terrifying. I guess I'm still trying to work out how I'm supposed to react.
I've waited ten months for her to at first notice me, and know me, and like me, and be my friend. And I never dreamed she would love me. I imagined it but I never expected anything. And sometimes I don't think it's real, it's like one of those too good to be true things, so I guess I'm still a little careful about getting too excited just yet, just in case things don't work out. We're not officially together yet. I can wait a little longer I suppose.
But god it kills me.