Does he like me?

5 July, 2009 - 8:13am — random11

Hello all! I'm a 17 year old boy looking for possibly advice and/or comments on my situation. There is a boy who is 14 (2 years an a half younger) who I think is the love of my life, but I can't say I love him because I feel love is something you need to feel back from the other person. I'm infatuated. After getting to know him a little I found out he has never dated a single girl yet and he would never mention girls anywhere around me. It wasn't until recently he said to me "there was a girl he thought was cool" but never said anything further than that. I met him about a year ago because I dated his sister who is also 17 only because I've been very confused about my sexual orientation. I feel like I've been forcing myself to date girls only because it's what my family and friends look at as "natural". Every time I see him I get butterflies. I have been having him over a lot lately and when he goes home I feel like there is nothing to do. I just want to be around him all the time. A couple days ago he slept over at my house for the first time. We were both laying on the floor in front of my tv in my room about a foot apart from each other. We were watching Family Guy and every time I looked over at him; he would look back at me for a good three seconds. He would get a small smile and say "what?" with a small laugh and then look away. I was laying down and my hand was out towards him a little and out of no where I realized he grabbed my hand and fiddled with it a little almost like he didn't know it was my hand. So I looked at him and he pulled his hand away and said something like "trying to hold my hand?" (smiling and slightly laughing). I responded with "what was that?" and he laughed and said "nothing". He also started talking to me about sleeping in boxers. After he'd talk a little he would realize what he said and say "why am I asking that?" and I'd say "I don't know" with a small laugh. I'd like to think he likes me, but it only feels that way when we are alone together. There is probably a lot more I could add to this, but I'm going to stop here. So do you think he likes me? He never wants to leave my house when he has to go. Some opinions would be nice. = ) Thanks.

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Discussion Forum

5 July, 2009 - 9:16am — ferrets

hmmmmm

doees he know your gay?

if you riase the banner of scotland, you raise the banner of freedom!
~willam wallace

5 July, 2009 - 2:03pm — random11

No he doesn't know I'm gay.

No he doesn't know I'm gay. = ( I'm hoping that something will happen naturally when we are together and if not I'm going to wait things out a little before I come out to him so if he actually doesn't feel the same way he will understand and still be my friend instead of freaking out and never talking to me again.

5 July, 2009 - 3:05pm — elph

A Very Mature Plan

You seem to understand the myriad of tensions and emotions that both gay and straight youth experience. Your cautious approach is to be commended.

Please be sure that you're compatible friends first. Later (if he does acknowledge being gay) this may lead to genuine mutual affection... cuddling and kissing prior to any mutual sex . You should also keep in mind that your age differences may be just on the border. You might ask him point blank what relationship he envisages. Does it allow the possibility of being long-term?

I'm confident that many on Oasis are envious of your circumstances...

5 July, 2009 - 3:39pm — oldfoxbob

Remember?

Do you remember what you were like at 14? Confused, unsure of your self, hormones raging, Horny all the time, and so forth. He is going through the same feelings right now. Most 14 yr old s (not all) are at the age of in between s, Not sure if they like girls or not in such a way as "girls yuck" or Girls cool". So to say he is gay, bi, or str8 is not yet set in stone. We all went through that around that age.
To force the subject would be wrong. But subtle hints from you on gays, gays in the military, gays at work, etc would be ok to bring up to sound him out some more. Use caution here though. Don't rush into the conversation but watch the news with him some time on TV and say "hey I saw on tv the other day this thing about gays......." may be the right approach.
If he stays over again its OK to say that you "both can sleep in the same bed, but is it OK if I sleep in the nude as I usually do"....that sort of thing will only get the sex out of the way...but not really know where he stands on being gay or bi, which I suggest you find out first and foremost. You are smitten with his good looks, age, and attractiveness right now. it may be only a passing thing with you also, as tomorrow the man of your dreams may walk through your door.
Also try a back rub for him some time. Get the baby oil out and give him a good (honest non sexual) back rub. This is a good way to get to know one another as small talk usually ensues between the two of you while you do it. Ask him about his plans for the future, college, girl friends or boy friends, (Yes ask it that way) and tell him you don't care if he has a girl friend or boy friend. That will maybe get him to loosen up and come out more to you on it. Any way you play your cards, be careful and above all if you ever do have sex, play it safe and do it safe.
Good luck
Oldfoxbob

Genius is not a sign of intelligence, but rather
that of common sense. Humor is the best pain pill.

5 July, 2009 - 4:13pm — random11

Hmm

Thanks for taking the time to type that. Just reading this and thinking about him makes me nervous haha. He told me he wants to have more sleep-overs here. I don't know if I'd have the courage to bring something up like the whole "it's okay if you have a girlfriend or boyfriend talk" but who knows. Wouldn't you say giving a back rub seems mostly sexual? How can it be a honest non-sexual back rub? :S

So where my other problem comes in is that not everyone in my family knows I'm gay. Only my mom knows and that was only recent. She doesn't look good on me being gay at all. She said she would step in to stop me from making the wrong decision. She doesn't know what I feel at all. Liking guys came to me as natural as straights like girls. She thinks it's an influence of society, but most of society is anti-gay. When I asked to have "him" over before my mom said no (only a couple days after I came out to her). She almost didn't let him stay over Thursday night but she did. :)

OOO! and a couple weeks ago my sister said she has to reschedule her wedding because no one told her a LGBT pride festival was going to take place right next to the church in the park (big city). I don't know how my siblings would act towards my feelings, but she is moving the wedding date mainly because it would be loud and too busy.

5 July, 2009 - 4:37pm — oldfoxbob

Back rub

A back rub is sexual only if you let it become such. Remember to control your emotions and urges to Rip his clothes off, ravish his body and to um...to...um...well you know...lol...After a good day of play such as toss the ball in the back yard, wrestling, or swimming, a body is tired and sore in places. To work those kinks out feels good (doesn't it?) , soothing, relaxing which is the goal here, not sex.
As far as the girl friend or boy friend thing goes.. Try this
"So...you got a girl friend or boy friend yet?" He may say what? then you say..."hey I don't care one way or the other, you will always be my friend to me, and I'm just making conversation...so do you?" Now the ball is in his court...he will ether come out to you or hem and haw around the subject. When you can say something along the line of how you don't seem to have any interest in girls right now. This would open you up to him more. Making him more relaxed if he is bi or gay. Take it from there and again Good luck.

Genius is not a sign of intelligence, but rather
that of common sense. Humor is the best pain pill.

5 July, 2009 - 4:42pm — oldfoxbob

Oh and

I forgot...moving the date sounds more like noise then because its a Gay thing going on. Look at the parking issue, noise, disruption and such. Knowing some of the "queens" out there some drag nut would yell things at the bride and groom that would not be nice anyway. So all in all moving the date is a good idea.
Mom is the only one who knows. I think your siblings would be ok with it. just realize that if you tell them then dad would know also as they would use it against you in the "I'll tell dad your queer if you dont do such and such for me" thing. How is your dad on gay issues?

Genius is not a sign of intelligence, but rather
that of common sense. Humor is the best pain pill.

5 July, 2009 - 5:02pm — random11

My dad.

He would disown me. Period. He can get aggressive easy and as bad as it sounds... I'm trapped in a very.. VERY.. Christian family. I'm forced to participate in a so-called bible study on Sundays even though I don't want to. Growing up I've believed in God but knowing it says in Lectivus 18:22 that homosexuality is an abomination has pulled me far away from my religion. It's not like I choose to be gay over straight. It just happened that way. So I've been very confused. I've almost came up with the conclusion that the bible is just a made up book by a group of people in the olden days who had the idea: "Let's make a book explaining why we are here including laws we want people to follow!"

+ I think mentioning "I would be okay with whether he decides to have a girlfriend or boyfriend, either way you'll always be my friend" would give him the feeling I am gay. And if he isn't gay that is going to be a big problem. I don't want him to stop talking to me. = (

5 July, 2009 - 5:19pm — oldfoxbob

your right

The bible has a first page called a preface, King James version. It says the bible is a book written by man, interpreted by man, is not the word of god and should not be taken literally.
Think of it in the year 0 or so. No laws were written down, nor were guides for living established. the bible makes sense for that time of age. But times have changed. The bible is one of the dirtiest books around. Read Psalms some time. Its all about sex. Rape, murder,etc.
They say god made you in his image. If so does God make mistakes? No...he made you to be as you are.
Homosexuality is admonished three times or so in the bible. Yet Heterosexuality has over 300 admonishments.
Back then to eat pork was bad for you as you would get trichinosis. Worms from the uncooked meat. So don't eat pork, Shell fish killed those who were allergic to Iodine Hence don't eat that ether! To be unclean was to be a leper, a contagious ailment at that time. Also God was anything that they were unable to explain or had no knowledge of, such as the moon, the sun, volcanoes, etc. Sodom was destroyed by fire ( Meteors) from the sky but then so were many other city's and towns in the area. Yet there is no mention of them in the bible. Science has answered many HISTORICAL facts about those times and things in the bible. The bible is nothing more than a history book and a guide for living in the first century.
As far as Dad is concerned, check with PFLAG and get some books or pamphlets to let lie around the house where he might find them. If he asks where they came from you can say they are yours as you are studying up on the subject for a summer project from school or such. Now if your out of school you got a problem there and will need to find another reason for them laying around. Bring up the subject more often in conversation such as the two penguins that are gay raising a chick a a zoo. Or, How homosexuality is found in all of nature's creations of animals, including man kind, and what do you think of that dad? If he asks why then say your curious on his opinion of the nature of things and you are thinking of studying that field when in college along with what you really want to go into. Soften him up...when something about gays is brought up in conversation take the side of the gays like a debate not an argument. Have your facts ready! He can not dispute facts other than the biblical reaction and reply as its against the bible.
Question for you: when do you turn 18?

Genius is not a sign of intelligence, but rather
that of common sense. Humor is the best pain pill.

5 July, 2009 - 5:23pm — random11

Birthday

June 5th, 1992 so about another year haha. why?

23 September, 2009 - 11:39pm — Nanook

Uhm... According to the

Uhm... According to the Gregorian calender, there is no year zero. It jumps from 1 BCE to 1 CE.

Just wanted to point that out, because it surprised me at first.

5 July, 2009 - 5:46pm — oldfoxbob

Just wondering

When your 18 he can throw you out of the house if you come out to him. Until then he is responsible for your care in most states. Don't come out to him until then totally...you can do the bisexual thing as it seems to be a softer blow to his ego instead of the gay thing.
As far as bf/gf to your friend do you fear loosing him if you came out to him?
I don't think that would happen mind you, from what you have said so far he seems to be pretty liberal minded anyway and would except you gay or str8. I think you would be safe here on that with him. If he does have a problem with it ( the question that is) then again you can say ...just conversation and that would leave it in the air with out coming out to him...If he asks you point blank if your gay...be honest...never lie...right now you said your self that you have looked in to the girl friend thing so you can honestly say your bi and not gay. After all you dated his sister didn't you? Most younger guys can except a bi person far easier than a totally gay person if they are str8 themselves. I hope im not confusing you here. Bear in mind i am much much older than you and may be out of touch with the younger people as I have not had much contact of late with them. But I do hang out with some younger kids a lot here in Fla...from 12 to 25 age group of friends...all str8 but one who says he is bi. they don't have any problem with him at all. They all know I am gay, So as such i think it would do well with you also.
ofb

Genius is not a sign of intelligence, but rather
that of common sense. Humor is the best pain pill.

5 July, 2009 - 7:15pm — perple

Yeah, I'm not so sure about

Yeah, I'm not so sure about that non-sexual back rub....... but wow. Yeah, I agree that he is probably really confused right now, but it seems like he might be queer. Holding hands? And the fact that he inintiated it seems to point towards to the fact he might like you. I don't want to get your hopes up, but I think maybe. Also, might want to keep age thing in mind.

5 July, 2009 - 7:16pm — perple

But yeah. The qhole question

But yeah. The qhole question about whether he has a boyfriend or girlfriend seems like good way to broach the whole queer topic.

7 July, 2009 - 8:57pm — ferrets

welllll

the massage sounds great(tho i wouldnt be able to keep myself from doing the body ravaging) before i came out i siad yo my friends"a friend just came out to me as gay, what would u do if you were in my position?"

if you riase the banner of scotland, you raise the banner of freedom!
~willam wallace

22 July, 2009 - 6:55am — random11

UPDATE: Need more advice! :(

Back to my huge situation with this boy I like? I haven't had a good time to have him over in a long time and tonight I got to have him over. I'm starting to think I'm hurting myself hoping too hard that he likes me. The whole night was going really good. We were both very flirtatious like fighting over the same blanket on my couch while we were watching a movie. We ended up sharing the blanket :) hehe. A bunch of things happened just like that all night. I was laying down on the floor in the dark watching T.V. and he came and laid right next to me. I could tell he was getting a little closer so I started moving closer pretending like it wasn't on purpose. I seriously thought something was going to happen whether it was holding hands or some sort of cuddling, but he tapped my hand like he didn't want it any closer, moved a little bit away, and then even further. It made me very, very sad :'(. He got up and moved to my computer and started going through my face book when he saw Megan Fox on the side, and then he says "dude Megan Fox is so hot!" in the most passionate voice. You don't even know how this made me feel. :'( I'm sick of telling myself he's saying that just to impress me maybe because he thinks I'm straight, but the more we hang out the less I think of that. He was still hyper till I brought him home soon after. As I was driving him home he kept saying how his parents are lame and wouldn't let him stay over or we didn't get to hang out much tonight and it made him sad. When I dropped him off he said we really need to have an all nighter was the biggest smile on his face. I want to tell him how I feel or bring up some of the lines previously mentioned, but I'm too afraid of his rejection. He is everything to me right now and no matter which way I go about this... it's hurting me. What do you think I should do?

22 July, 2009 - 9:50pm — tenmilestilts

sounds to me like he has

sounds to me like he has feelings for you but is scared to show them/doesn't want to be gay/something like that. i don't know what advice to give you though. good luck!
---
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

23 July, 2009 - 2:07am — random11

When you say it that way it

When you say it that way it helps me put together a few things. When I was laying on the floor, why did he lay right beside me? There was plenty of room around and he could have even sat on the couch which was right behind me. Then when we got too close he might have been scared to show his feelings (like you said) because he backed away. But about Megan Fox... do you really think he was saying that to cover or because he doesn't want to be gay maybe? I dunno..

and thanks :)

23 July, 2009 - 4:18pm — tenmilestilts

i think that seems to fit

i think that seems to fit his behavior.

and i also think you should tell him you're bi. that's a good way to a) test the waters and b) let him know that he can confide in you if he's bi/gay. but know that even if he isn't straight, he may not immediately accept your being bi.
---
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

22 July, 2009 - 7:09am — fox333

do your parents know you are

do your parents know you are gay/bi/whatever?

22 July, 2009 - 7:31am — random11

It's all mentioned up

It's all mentioned up above.

Mom - Came out saying I had feelings for certain guys. She pretty much told me I'm going through a phase and ignored my feelings all together.

Dad - Not a clue. Would hate me if he knew.

Siblings - Not a clue.

Friend - A very close friend that actually cares a bunch. He is straight and has a girlfriend, but is completely chill talking about my feelings.

I've did a bunch of thinking lately though, and I don't know if you guys believe in the Kinsey and Klein Scale, but I think I'd score a 4.

30 July, 2009 - 5:50pm — jacjessen90

i've taken the kinsey...

i'm a 5.8 (the point 8 is mine) but what is the kline?
"look at him! i would die for him! i would kill for him! either way, what bliss!" ~gomez addams

22 July, 2009 - 7:33am — fox333

Hmmmm.... have you tried

Hmmmm.... have you tried telling him your bi?

22 July, 2009 - 7:37am — random11

I really want to tell him

I really want to tell him how I feel, but no I have not even tried telling him I'm bi. I wish there was a really easy way to tell him. My biggest fear is rejection. :(

23 July, 2009 - 5:29pm — elph

Ask Yourself...

...How would you like to see your friendship develop any differently if he were to know of your very intense feelings for him?

I can readily relate to the fears you have; your experience is the bane of nearly every teen, gay or not gay!

As long as you even suspect that he might react negatively, I'd suggest that you cherish his friendship for the present. If he becomes comfortable in volunteering personal information, this may be seen as an indication that he would welcome your being more open with your feelings.

I know that this is tearing at your emotions... but delayed gratification is much more palatable than the risk of being crushed.

24 July, 2009 - 12:41am — tenmilestilts

"As long as you even suspect

"As long as you even suspect that he might react negatively"...i know what you mean elph, but if everyone were to follow that advice, nobody would be in a relationship. there's always an element of risk. you just have to judge when the possible benefits of speaking up outweigh the risk. at this point random11 i think you should hold off. but sooner or later, if you want anything to happen, you're gonna have to take that leap.
---
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

24 July, 2009 - 1:33am — elph

Agreed!

Bookworm, you're quite correct. I know how difficult it is when you so fervently wish you could embrace your love, but fear of the unknown prevents you. Waiting is a heavy burden... but at this juncture enjoying your friendship is also a "plus." It is never wise to rush rapidly into a relationship (particularly if the potential for sex is dominant over that of mutual affection --- of course, I have no way of knowing if this is an issue).

random11: Persevere! If he provides those subtle signals that he feels the same way as you (i.e., affection and not quick sex and goodbye). Then it should be safe to slowly provide hints of your affection... but this conversation should be reciprocated in similarly measured stages of honesty by him.

30 July, 2009 - 5:57pm — jacjessen90

as garth brooks sang...

... failure isn't failure
if a lesson from it's learned
and love, it is a fire
there's a chance you might get burned
Anything in life worth havin'
Lord, it has its sacrifice
But the gift that you're receiving
Is worth more than a price
How you ever gonna know
What it's like to live there
How you ever gonna know
What you never knew
How you ever gonna know
If you're down here doin'
What the good Lord put you here to do
How you ever gonna know
If you could have done it
How you ever gonna know
How it feels to fly
How you ever gonna know
If you never dare to try...
my advice? just hint and if he seems to be responding favoribly...up the intencity of the hints, then keep it up until one of you feels comfortable enough and comes out... ~jacjessen90

"look at him! i would die for him! i would kill for him! either way, what bliss!" ~gomez addams

23 July, 2009 - 4:35am — fox333

Well think about it this

Well think about it this way, how would you feel if he whent away without knowing?

26 July, 2009 - 11:16pm — ferrets

i.....

used to tell ppl i thoiught magen fox was hot to seem straight.....

two guys are talking. one is straight, one is gay. the straight one says" is there anyway i can turn you straight?" the gay one responds" of course, ill go straight as long as you turn gay!"

28 July, 2009 - 8:30am — Peregrine

Okay, so I've been away for

Okay, so I've been away for a while. first of all I'ma say nice ta meet'cha! second, From what you described he likes you and is scared you will reject him for likeing you. I know thats how I felt when I was 14. third, DAMNIT Y DO YOU GET TO BE OLDER THAN ME?!? Finaly, If you ever wanna get a much more detailed response pm/myspace message me. Maybe once I get to know you better you can phone me for advice!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You wanted to meet Gossip Girl? Well, look around. I'm nothing without you. And while most high school friendships fade, it's my hope that what happened today will bond you

29 July, 2009 - 4:44am — random11

New Situation

So I'm thinking about asking him a question that might help me figure out what he is thinking because I've noticed how his signals of liking me or not go on and off so randomly.

Pros: Shares blanket, pretends like he's going to share blanket (when we were really close), chooses to lay beside me rather than on the couch, asked if he could take his shirt off because it was *hot* in my room, leans towards me while watching movies, gives me the *look* (you know what that look is ;D), flirts with me by saying things like "you're beast" (our way of saying amazing), I was gone for a week on vacation and he puts "waiting for ____ to get back.." on his facebook, thinks hangin' out with me is the best thing ever, I might think of more.

Cons: Says random girls are hot, loves songs like (savior-rise against) I don't know if that's a big deal or not but it makes me depressed listening to him sing it, I had told him I didn't want him to get hurt about something and he said "haha, I don't care if I get hurt, I'm your friend..not your boyfriend", he mentioned that it sucked that me and his sister are not getting back (I told him I wouldn't date her again) together because we wouldn't be related, backs off when we get too close, once when we shared a blanket he said "I'm going to put a wall here because I feel uncomfortable", I might think of more.

So the question I was thinking of may be something like... "So I've been wanting to ask this for a while, but I didn't know how to go about asking it. When you're with me I notice you do certain things like lay next to me when we are watching movies and such, and I was wondering if it was on intentional or not? I want you to know I'm 100% chill if it was intentional :)" What do you guys think? Maybe you can help me change it a little or give advice.

30 July, 2009 - 5:04am — Peregrine

WOW... That would make me

WOW... That would make me wanna come at you with a stick... sounds kinda desperate to me... try a little more subtlety...

30 July, 2009 - 8:01am — random11

haha, yeah I realize that.

haha, yeah I realize that. but I went to Transformers 2 with him tonight. We basically flirted the whole way home. Probably one of the best nights ever. I'm really freaking happy right now.

30 July, 2009 - 6:08pm — jacjessen90

that works...

but given the sit-chu-ation... i'd add that you are L/G/B/T/Q friendly and just let him know, if he's having any problems, 'your ears take in what your mouth could never express' (if it goes in the ears it would never go out the mouth- secret's safe w/ you) and any thing told to you would basicly have Psudo-Dr./patient confidentiality and whatever he said will be advised on but not shared with out his consent...
"look at him! i would die for him! i would kill for him! either way, what bliss!" ~gomez addams

30 July, 2009 - 9:15pm — Peregrine

I second that

I second that motion!

29 July, 2009 - 5:29am — tenmilestilts

I think it is a good idea to

I think it is a good idea to ask him, but not so bluntly. Start out with maybe telling him you're bi and maybe indicating that you think he may be as well.
---
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

3 September, 2009 - 6:26am — random11

Another Update just to see

Another Update just to see what you guys think.

So I've just kept it friends the whole summer and enjoyed the nights we hung out. So just recently I've been trying to get some info out of him because it's hard to get him to talk serious. BUT! I wrote this to him..
______________________________________________________

ME -- Well I asked if you cared about anything besides getting the xbox. lol

And you said no that's not all you cared about.. so I'm asking what else you care about?

HIM -- Ha lol no i care about people... Friends... Evan (((my name)))... Lol ok need it more specific...... Hmm that sounds like im in a relation ship with you lol w/e

ME -- Well I thought we were? lol :P

HIM -- Hehe ♥
____________________________________________________
.. So I don't know if this is good news or what.. but it makes me happy at least for now :)

6 September, 2009 - 10:06am — ferrets

hmmmmm

neet. thamks for the updates. your secret courtship thing is so cute

without ferrets, this world would be hell in a a hamster cage

24 September, 2009 - 12:06am — Nanook

He's obviously smitten with

He's obviously smitten with you, but he's conflicted. People don't look at you, hold eye contact, and smile and blush (I assumed he became rosy in the cheeks).

He's also 14, so he's pretty young. I'm not criticizing that, but you should be aware of that. I certainly didn't factor that in my last relationship, but now that I realize it, 15 is rather young for a serious relationship (He's 15, I'm 17 - we have a year and quarter age difference).

But honestly, I think the common issues (gay news, etc.) prompts are LAME. They just sort of dance around the issue. It's like wading into the water, which in my opinion is NOT fun, especially when you reach your groin. Cold waters on balls is NOT pleasant. So personally, I would dive right in. Then again, I'm rather comfortable with my sexuality, and I seem to able to judge individual's sexuality rather easily.

Anyway, I'll just exit this conversation with a passage from "Tuesdays with Morrie", for now.

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.

A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."

Sounds like a wrestling match, I say. "A wresting match." He laughs. "Yes, you could describe life that way."

So which side wins, I ask? "Which side wins?"

He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.

"Love wins. Love Always wins".

27 September, 2009 - 4:03am — tenmilestilts

Does he like me?

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