i'm writing here a lot, suddenly. what's up with that??

i'm pissed at my mom, again. SOOOO ready to leave this house. ready to be away from her, and her idiocies.

how long as she been teaching?? how long has she had her schedual for this year?? how long has she known that, hey, open house this thursday?? and she waits til freakin NOW to tell me about it, and to tell me that i have to reschedual my lesson cause SHE DOESN'T WANT TO COME HOME????

it's so screwed up. she expects me to conform to her schedual, yet gives me NO warning, as though my lessons, or my volunteer work were just whims of my fancy, to be discarded without regard as soon as she has BIG IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO.

fuck that!! i'm so sick of it!! i try to talk to her about it, and she just "forgets". like, what, she just forgets about ME??

i do EVERYHTING in my power to tell her about things in advance. i double check ALL my things with her, to make sure that she's okay with it, and that if i need the car, that she'll be able to get it to me on time. ALWAYS.

and what does she give me in return? last minute "changes" that have been on her calendar for MONTHS, or, worse, actual changes that she makes REGARDLESS OF MY SCHEDUAL!!!

and when i go downstairs to rant at her she'll just say "sorry" and tell me to go fuck myself.

cause my riding lessons aren't important. just like working at the barn, isn't important. nor is hanging out with my best friend.

i shouldn't have asked her to take me to Em's graduation, cause i'll put ten to one odds on her finding some excuse to back out of it at the VERY last minute.

so now i have to e-mail S, and ask her to reschedual not just one, but TWO of my lessons, despite her busy schedual, and i have no excuse for one of them! i HATE doing that. i HATE it. i made a commitment, and now i want to follow through!

i know i'm in a bad mood cause J's not home, and i barely got to talk to her last night, and i won't get to talk to her really all week. i know. but i can't rage at that, cause it's really good that she's there, and i'm so, so proud of her, but i miss her, too. :(

so instead i'll get mad at my mom, which i would anyway, though perhaps a bit more than usual. it won't get me anywhere, but hey, neither does being rational!!

fuck her. every little blip in her radar makes her so completely irrational, and it drives me up the wall. i thought it'd be over after her recital, and it will probably get better, but, heads up! i'm leaving in 3 weeks, and that's freaking her out!

so joy of joys, i get to live with an airheaded, irrational, trigger happy mother for the next 3 weeks, and what can i do about it?

suck it up.

i'm SO over this.

BD