so, on a whim, i called Ja tonight, and asked if he wanted to hang out. we had the most wonderful time....

his gf came along, which was fun. there's this popular bridge out a few miles from my town....it's this old stone bridge that's become one of THE grafitti sites around here, and it's just fun to hang out at. so we stayed there for hours....first just the three of us, then JV drove by (i know WAY too many people who's names start with J, lol....and we all know the most important one :P) in his ANCIENT VW bug, and we all hung together for a few more hours.

lol, THAT was epicly awesome. we pulled his speakers out,a nd started listening to RANDOM shit, and one song was like this tango, and JV takes dance lessons, so he took me out IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD at like, midnight, and showed me the basic step, and we were dancing and messing around. lol, it was so much fun.

Ja and Je are so cute together, but every time i saw them holding hands, or leaning on each other, or touching or anything, all i could think was how much i wished J was there. how much i wished i could be holding her hand, or having her lean on me, or all of the things my friends were doing....

anyway, after a while JV decided to go home, so we all said goodbye (actually, we said cyl, cause Ja's having a party Sat night that we're all going to, but whatever), and the Js and i drove off.

we decided to go driving for a while, cause my mom has an amazing car, and Ja and i both love driving it, so we went out on some of the back country roads and had a blast. i LOVE talking with Ja. we talk about everything and anything, and it just so much fun. we've known each other for so long that we have that....not really a secret language or code or anything, but just so many shared memories that things remind us of the same thing, or someone will say something, and it'll have some meaning attached to it that no one else would know...stuff like that.

i am SOOO glad i turned out to be gay, and that he and i figured out early on that we really WEREN'T attracted to each other, cause we almost tried dating, and it would have ruined a lot of things, possibly everything entirely.

but we didn't, so there ya go.

anyway, i had an amazingly good time tonight. which is kind of bittersweet, in a way. i'm so ready to leave, and to be in australia already, but it makes me wish that i'd reconnected sooner, or that i had more time, somehow. except that i don't....i want to go. i dunno. confusing, eh? lol. it just reminds me that i have more than just family to come home to. i have amazing friends. really, really amazing friends that at times, i didn't know i had....

i do feel bad for abandoning J like i did.....i hadn't really planned on staying out so late, and i wouldn't have if she hadn't had rehersals. but even so, i pretty much just abandonded her this evening with no warning. :( i hope she gets home soon.....i just wnat to talk to her...

BD