im getting frantic and i feel depressed. i haven't really been depressed for a while but i think tonight it will be bad. it only happened in the past few hours. its getting worse. its been awhile i guess im due. this sucks haha
its probably the worse possible feeling you can ever have when you love someone so much and you feel the chance of losing them and you feel there could be a separation even though you still love them. its the worst possible feeling because all you have is fear and panic and you cant help anything and you can only wallow in your misery of the possibility. whats worse is the fear you have of not knowing how you will react you only know it will be bad you cant even fathom that possibility and your heart is aching and your mind is racing and you dont know what to do with yourself and youre angry and youre sad at the same exact time and all you want to do is tear your fucking heart out and erase it from existence because maybe this was the worst possible choice you ever made in your fucking lifetime. and there is only regret left leaving you to feel the hatred of what you never should have done and what you never should have let your mind, your hands, your fucking heart, feel in the first place. in the first place. if only to take it back and undo everything that was done to create such torment.
maybe that was extreme.
probably not because right now thats what i feel.
thats what i feel and its intense and i think it only confirms how much i love.
i am so ridiculous.