I was having lunch with my sister today and she commented, "I'm not really sure what's up with you, you seem bored and not really too interested or something..". I shrugged it off, and said I was tired, but the truth is, she had just summed up the feeling I have been trying so hard to get to grips with for the past while. I am bored and I am uninterested.
I am bored of most of the people around me. I know that is cold and harsh, and I am lucky to have them, but at the same time I am not really sure I want all these people around me. Maybe I am just feeling crowded, I am not sure. But I sort of feel like I am getting dragged along to some extent, making plans to meet so-and-so here, going to meet this other person there. I am busy but I don't think I am busy doing what I want to be busy doing. Though I am not sure I know what I want to be doing, all I know is I would not be this bored if I was happy doing all this stuff.
I don't know what I want. I honestly just don't know, I'm absolutly completely and utterly bored and I don't know what I want to escape this. I also feel like I dislike myself intensly. Does anybody actually like themselves?