After your laughter like thunder
After your skin like coffee and cream
After it takes our bodies into the night
After we've come to the extreme

I want to lay down on your shoulder
Just inside your arm
I want to listen to your heart beat
And your breathing on and on
I want to lay down on your shoulder
Surrender to your peace
And go to sleep

And when we've gone a million miles
Made true our dreams with sweat and bone
After we've built it up with our bare hands
Made strong a place we can call home

And when the light in my eye is fading
When running water becomes too deep
Finally angels turn my fire to dust
And when my soul's no longer mine to keep

I want to lay down on your shoulder
Just inside your arm
I want to listen to your heartbeat
And your breathing on and on
I want to lay down on your shoulder
Surrender to the peace
And just go to sleep

~Melissa Etheridge, Sleep

last night....last night, listening to her sleep brought tears to my eyes. i can't explain it. it was like.....like watching a baby sleep. we're so programed to protect babies, and i felt that same instinctual, primal response to protect and love.

that really is the best way i can describe it. i could almost feel her lying next to me, her breathing slowly deepening, her heart beating just a little bit slower, her body relaxing against mine.....

29 days. 29 days until that will be true. 27 til i take off from the airport.

it's too long. i'm ready beyond words, and if i could, i'd leave tomorrow.

i want to be with her so, so badly. i want HER beyond anything. i still think that i'm absolutly bloody nuts to be doing this, but i dont' care. i want her, and i want to be wtih her, and even though it's scary, i want to be dreaming wtih her, and if that means flying around the world and not looking back for a year, then that's what i'm going to do.

there's a place inside of me....i can't explain it. but it's hwere she goes. and right now, it's empty. it's empty because she's not at my side, and i'm not with her. not yet. in 29 days, that hole will be filled, and i'll be whole again.

i love you, babe. more than anything in the world.

always yours,
BD