Gender X...yea...I THINK...that's me. I mean...I have no idea. Am I a girl? Do I belong in the skin that I was born with? Or am I a...boy? Am I supposed to have a penis? I don't think that I'm a transgender, because in no way do I hate my body parts. Isn't that what trans people feel? I mean...that's what I was always told: that they honestly hate their vagina or penis...and want the opposite.

But I don't hate my body! I love my breasts and my vag...dunno why...they're just beautiful I guess. I have a nice body, in the typical sense. But I love dressing like a boy...

Alright, I think I got it: I like FEELING male. Not necessarily BEING male. When people call me "beautiful" I cringe internally and think "HANDSOME HANDSOME HANDSOME!" I hate being...thought of as a girl. I've had adults and kids mistake me for a boy, what with my short hair and guy-style clothes. And you know what? I like it. This one lady said to my mom "Oh! This must be your son." and I shook her hand and it didn't bother me. Should it have? And mom jumped in and was like "No! This is my daughter." and I felt....dissapointed.....

I've talked to my mom about it...but i think it bothers her. She said it bothers her when people mistake me for a boy. But I WANT THEM TO!!! WHYYYYY???!!!! I sometimes wish that I did have a penis. But mostly just for sex reasons. I find myself imagining myself havin a penis in my fantasies. What the &^%$?!

I want to be a LESBIAN. I have always been a LESBIAN. But...when I think about being called a boy...I like it. I think that I would be really happy if, when meeting a stranger, they called me a boy, and I didn't correct them. But then what happens when they become friends? Or lovers? What do I tell them then? "Oh yea, I told you I was a dude, but hey, I've got tits and a vag. Whoopsies." *beats head on wall*

And my girlfriend..I've talked to her about it too...but she's so conflicted with her OWN stuff...you know..small stuff like..oh...finding out she's GAY. She barely understands her own sexuality! I don't even know if I'm "straight". Then she would be too. Ug...I want to cry. I've thought about it for months. I want to be a girl. I want to be a boy. I want to be...me....but who...am I?.....