It's been a year since I really began to realize I wasn't straight. It's been utter chaos since then. I've called myself bi, questioning, pansexual, and everything in between. Sometimes I'm sure I'm lesbian, sometimes I know I'm straight, when I think about it I think I must be bi.
I finally went to a school GSA meeting Tuesday. I've been trying to convince myself to all year ("It doesn't have to mean anything, just go!" "You're so chicken!" "Why can't you ever go through with anything??" et cetera) and I finally went when I saw a couple of semi-friends in GSA in the yearbook. And it was the last meeting for seniors so it didn't really even count, they just kinda talked about what they did this year. But now I know that I can go to GSA next year and I won't chicken out. And that's so good to know.
I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere. For the last year I've floundered around in the mud, waiting for someone to throw me a rope, and now, instead, I'm pulling myself out. It's hard alone though. I've come out to two friends but they're both straight. I want to talk to someone but I don't know who. But even so, I've taken the first steps.
I'm finally coming out. But I have to figure out what I am before I can tell everyone else.
Why does everything have to be so complicated?