i'm writing this journal. :P

we have our toys!! lol it's amazing, actually. it sounds odd, but the harness feels so natural to wear. it's soooooo comfortable. and it feels wonderful...

and my packer.... :D it's a bit too big, like, it's unrealisticly sized (i think), cause it kinda sticks out a bit too much, but....i love it. i really love it. it feels...good? that's not the right word. right? i guess.... hmm. i can't really describe it. but it feels good, and i like it.

i'm such a guy when it comes to relationships. i don't think about exes (mine or hers), i don't seem to think like she does at all. it's kinda frustrating, but at the same time, i like it. i mean, i don't get her, all the time, but that's okay. there's so much to learn, and i'm so excited for it.

i think i'm odd. i'm not sure if i think like other people do. i dunno how to explain it. they always seem surprised at how i act, and how i think. is that normal?

i don't worry about how the sex is going to be. should i? i don't think so. i mean, okay, it might not be perfect the first time. but i don't need it to be. not the first time. the first is to get to know each other. it's more about the journey than the destination, if you want to get really philisophical with me. at least, that's how i see it. she sees it differently.

i haven't totally learned how she thinks yet (which is something i'm good at, and do with anyone i love), so i get confused sometimes, and don't anticipate things that i should. but that's okay. it makes everything exciting, and new, and wonderful.

or maybe that's just her...

regardless, she's everything.

HOWEVER, my mother (who knows that i like her, and that she likes me) thought it presiant to tell me at 6am this morning that because J's younger than me, "some might concider that rape." like, TOTALLY out of the blue, my mom decides to tell me that i could potentially be charged with rape if i have sex with J. mind you, my mom still thinks i'm a virgin. OY. gah, it's a pain in the ass, if you ask me.

and when i told her that the age of consent down under is 16, she goes "well, you should still be careful on the internet. there's no privacy, you know!"

i'm like, mom. we're not having cybersex in public chatrooms!!! or even private ones!! when we talk about sex, it's in private program, which someone would need a warrent to obtain the records from, which would mean they'd need some kind of probable cause. jesus.

never mind the fact that people don't get charged wtih stat. rape unless there's some other underlying problem. as in, her parents don't like him, or the cops can't pin the rapist for other things, etc., etc. and when i tried to point this out to my mom (i said that J's parents are going to like me), she's like "says you." i'm like, WHOA. who are you, and what have you done with my mother?

like, seriously. this was totally out of the blue, and now she won't talk about it. WEIRD.

and now, i need caffine, or a nap, but i don't want to nap, cause i always seem to wake up in a bad mood these days, and i hate that.

i wake up badly. seriously. I wouldn't wake me up wtih a ten foot pole from behind a brick wall! you don't want to mess wtih me when i'm asleep. unless it involves sex. then i'm down with it.

no pun intended.

i'm sooooo ready to get packed. you've no idea. cause packing means going, and going means being there, and being there means being with her, and being with her means dreams come true.

i love you, babe.

BD