read the journal below mine. New, But Not.

now tell me if i should be worried that she wanted to be alone, that she was upset about something and told me to go away?

god, i'm such a wreck. my head feels like it's about to explode. i don't want to be thinking like this. i don't want it to be like this, and i've been trying to convince myself that it's not, but now i'm so, so afraid.

terrified.

i don't know. i don't know anything. i'm trying to not freak out, but it's R all over again. i want to be wrong. please, please, let me be wrong.

i have to sleep, but i can't. i'm worried about her, and now i'm worried about us, and if i'm wrong, i'll hate myself, but better that than the alternative.

please....

BD

maybe i'm just not thinking straight. am i overreacting? quite probably. she was home all last night, right? she wanted to cut class to come talk to me. i'm being stupid. really, really stupid. so why am i so afraid? oh fuck, fuck, fuck! i fucking HATE this feeling! all the doubt, the uncertainty. that sick feeling in my stomach. like i'm a little kid in the dark again, and there are noises all around me, and i'm afraid. i've been here before, and i swore to myself that i'd never go back.

i'm sorry.....