read the journal below mine. New, But Not.
now tell me if i should be worried that she wanted to be alone, that she was upset about something and told me to go away?
god, i'm such a wreck. my head feels like it's about to explode. i don't want to be thinking like this. i don't want it to be like this, and i've been trying to convince myself that it's not, but now i'm so, so afraid.
i don't know. i don't know anything. i'm trying to not freak out, but it's R all over again. i want to be wrong. please, please, let me be wrong.
i have to sleep, but i can't. i'm worried about her, and now i'm worried about us, and if i'm wrong, i'll hate myself, but better that than the alternative.
maybe i'm just not thinking straight. am i overreacting? quite probably. she was home all last night, right? she wanted to cut class to come talk to me. i'm being stupid. really, really stupid. so why am i so afraid? oh fuck, fuck, fuck! i fucking HATE this feeling! all the doubt, the uncertainty. that sick feeling in my stomach. like i'm a little kid in the dark again, and there are noises all around me, and i'm afraid. i've been here before, and i swore to myself that i'd never go back.