Okay so, it kind of hit me yesterday that I was deceiving almost everyone in my church family because I am a Catholic who is also a lesbian...I go about my life being involved in as many church activities because yes, I DO enjoy is, but also because I want people to look at me like that "good little Catholic girl" I...am...kind of...No, that's the point. I'm pretending to be something I'm not. I hate the Catholic Church- HATE IT! But yet, I've spent almost my whole last weekend at church, as well as Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of this week, I have a chuch meeting tonight and I'm spending almost this whole weekend at church as well. Yeah, I'm your perfect Catholic girl. Now, I know a lot of you are just thinking "well, if you're in SO MUCH DAMN PAIN by being in this church...leave, just fucking leave". If it were THAT easy folks, I would have done that a LONNNGG time ago. However, I CANT leave. I have to continue to be involved w/ this church stuff until I am old enough to move out on my own (right after high school is when I plan to move out) and plus...even though I DO hate it...part of me...enjoys it and loves some of the people there...

But I'm deceiving most of the people I know there. I'm a lesbian.