For the whole week, I get to play a jock in a play for the student-led chapel that happens twice a year...
I'm wearing a triathlon one-piece swimsuit to flaunt my sexy body
I get to make grunting noises
I suddenly run into chapel with gangster music playing, screaming 'I LOVE POWER TOOLS!'
I do weights on stage in front of everyone to show off my rippling muscles
I do and count press ups on stage ("ONE, TWO... FIVE HUNDRED AND ONE, ONE THOUSAND... SEVEN MILLION!")
I get to call a 'real jock' queer
We get to do some intense chest bumping and arse slapping with each other
Everything about me simply smells of man
In case you guys don't get it, I'm probably the furthest thing from a jock. And my whole year knows I'm gay, so the whole thing is meant to be extremely hilarious.. so please laugh... so not all my dignity will have been lost in vain...