He sounds like such a sweetheart too. And that sounds so complicated.

I've been in this situation before, where someone liked me and I liked her but not physically, just mentally. The relationship was kind of weird, but I wouldn't say it was bad. But it was hard for me because she's very insecure about her looks, and I wasn't like, attracted to her that way... She ended up breaking up with me though, When she moved because she felt like she wouldn't have enough time for me.

Good luck with it all. *hug*

My advice:
Don't focus on sexuality. Sure, it's an integral and important part of the queer community, and for that matter, humanity, but too many people lock themselves into a set sexuality. Sure, it's fine to associate as a lesbian; I personally associate as a fag (I don't like the word "gay" so much). Just as you don't see yourself with a guy, I don't see myself with a girl; I only see myself with a guy. But I also know that some wonderful girl could come along and, well, steal my heart away. Honestly, it seems a little weird in concept, but I don't think I would be afraid of it. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, be fluid with your sexuality. Don't box yourself in. Be an "equal opportunist".

Also, don't be afraid of hurting him. If he truly loves you, or at least likes you a lot, then knowing he hasn't got that big of a shot with you probably hurts a ton anyway. The only thing you can really do in a situation like that is to explain to him how you feel every step of the way. Honesty is always the best policy.

There's also no law saying you HAVE to have sex in a relationship. You can make your relationships into anything you want, you don't have to follow societal norms.

Hope this helps!

I have to respectfully disagree. In my opinion, using good friends who are in love with you essentially experimentation is wrong, wrong... WRONG! You are making him think he has a shot, but if you feel no attraction to him, then you will wind up crushing him, because you will give him hope, then yank it away. If you have romantic and/or sexual feelings toward him, and suspected you were bi, then I'd agree with Nanook, but you can't be bi because, intellectually, you think you should. Many have tried for the sake of their politically correct beliefs. It doesn't work. Do as you will, but I see disaster written all over it.

Sorry to sound bleak, but I am giving you an honest opinion based on many years of experience (my own and those of others). Before you do this, I'd ask yourself seriously if this is based on a real attraction, or just a science experiment. It sounds like you two have a wonderful, healthy friendship, and by doing this, you're putting it at great risk. Before you procede any further, I would make sure it's worth that risk.

*hugs*
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- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay & lesbian characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"