I just realized... that I got exactly what I wanted when I came to university. Anonymity. I used to be that highly-caffeinated Goth girl who always seemed on the verge of a hysterical break down and who could get you in contact with whoever you needed to talk to and who wrote fantastic poetry and stories and who would fix your computer. I mean, I could not tell you what the latest fashions were, or who was dating who, or what drama was going on. But I was still useful to many people. I knew what I was doing and I was trustworthy and I was going places.
...now I'm just that blind girl who sits in the back of the classroom and gets slightly-above average grades, who doesn't participate in any on-campus activities and only talks to her friends (most of whom also do not participate in any campus activities). I respond to three different names here, but at the same time, barely anyone knows them. And it's kind of nice. For all of my life, I've wanted to be one of the nameless masses. I guess I just never expected it to happen, and now I'm starting to get paranoid that I'm going to end up friendless and not going anywhere in life. And now I'm starting to feel like people aroudn me are defining me by the fact that I can't see. I'm just the girl with the guide dog.
I could ... do something. Work harder, actually talk to the contacts I've got in various departments (made before I got here), start joining student groups and going to parties. I don't know.
I'm really not sure how I feel about myself right now. *shrugs*
And my social anxiety is getting worse. It's bad.