lol, i'm SOOOOOOOOO fucking happy right now. and i can only tell you part of it, cause the other part is a SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!! haha, you'll find out soon enough, my pretties.

but the other part....god, the other part. there's a girl. a....wow. this amazing, beautiful, gorgeous, intelligent, funny, caring girl. who wants ME!! it's crazy....SHE'S crazy!! but...maybe not?

usually i have really high self esteem. i'm confident to the point of arogance sometimes. but...when it comes to me? nope. i don't think i'm attractive. i don't think i have anything good to offer a relationship. i'm horrible at taking anything, even when it's willingly given.

and i'm so untrusting. i keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. it's happened so many times, but do i ever learn? all the 'friends' who either couldn't take it, or were never true friends anyway.

so between those two...i don't think i'm worth anything. i mean, i am, but not to any individual. i honestly don't think i'm worth it. so i'm always looking for the lie, for the punch to the gut that means, once again, i was wrong. so many people have betrayed my trust...

but at the same time, WOW!!! she's so fucking incredible. and i so want to give her a chance, it's just hard.

haha, i was just on the phone, giving my aunt technical support. lol, i should start charging!!

BD