What the hell do you do when you think that you're...that you....*gulp*...like...a major closet-case?
She's so beautiful...but soooo in denial. She's "repulsed" by the thought of doing anything physical with a girl. She thinks it's unnatural. But she flirts with me...and says she likes it. Says her favorite part of her day is when she sees me.
Her eyes...GLOW....when she sees me. I can just see it. I denied it...said it was wishful thinking. But...no...it's real. She was called a fag by her mother...her sister asked her "what the hell is wrong with you?! Are you a dyke now or something? Did you kiss that fucking dyke yet? (me)" And she stood up for me...and told me that she doesn't want to stop being with me...doesn't want to stop hugging me or sitting close...
It really may seem like I'm overreading this...but other people see it. She only ever asks me for help with math...even if she understands it perfectly. She laughs at my rusty and honestly non-funny jokes. She wrestles with me and sits close and laughs when I throw a cocopuff into the air and catch it on my tongue.
She mentions cute outfits she has....lingerie that she sleeps in...describes it and glances out of the corners of her eyes at me....and blushes. And we joke about how she totaly wants me and she laughs and blushes and gets all quiet.
And I sit there and just watch her...and I shiver when she stares at me with her golden eyes....her mouth always smiles when she's looking at me...I've never seen her frown.....and I'm so....I can't even say it...how I feel...because then it's real.