Scared.Again.Help me move thru it.

5 February, 2009 - 3:23am — centerfielder08

So, finally I have the answers, I believe. They seem to be right in front of me, only everytime I think about it, it doesn't make sense.
I keep thinking about the surgery. About wanting it. But when I try to reason myself through it , think thru it, it makes no sense and my thoughts get messy.
Anyway...I need support from you guys here. i need to know things'll be okay.

Eli.

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Centerfielder08's journal

Comments

5 February, 2009 - 4:53am — Lehcure

thoughts do get very messy.

thoughts do get very messy. but I have tons of faith in you and yours. Total support here. *hugs*

5 February, 2009 - 5:03am — centerfielder08

thanks. you've been so

thanks. you've been so helpful, by the way. thanks lehcure.

someone on herre just told me im such a guy :D :D

--eli

5 February, 2009 - 5:51am — jeff

Umm...

Worrying about surgery now is rather unnecessary. You have to be in therapy, on hormones, living as a guy, and all that goes on for quite a while before surgery.

I'd worry about your mystery infection. That's real and current.

---
"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." - Rumi

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5 February, 2009 - 6:09am — bulldyke

wanting to be a guy and

wanting to be a guy and being a guy are two different things. i dunno if that's your problem, but...for me, i'd love to be a guy, but i'm not.

i'm with jeff on this one. the surgery is part of a much bigger whole. if you're a guy, then eventually, you'll get the surgery. but first, you have to focus on...being a guy.

and if you're not trans, then you'll figure out what you are. gender's a helluva lot more fluid than society leads us to believe. there's a lot more than just 'male' and 'female' out there.

Bulldyke
"I think some mistakes are meant to be made, because we can't help but hope that they won't be mistakes."

5 February, 2009 - 6:36am — centerfielder08

this infection....ive tried

this infection....ive tried to forget about it. i have a tendency to worry about it. when i finally got up the courage to talk to my health teacher about it, i couldnt. ill have to try on friday.
i know the guy thing is far away. but i dont want to be a girl. i think i want to be a man. no im not positive. but i dont want to have a girls name, have to dress like one, act like one. hell, i want to be a guy.

i worry too much, i kknow.
but this infection...well, worrying about it only does so much. so maybe ill have to be on meds. its not like i can go to the doctor and find out anyway.

5 February, 2009 - 9:39am — bulldyke

i'm probably being annoying,

i'm probably being annoying, so i'll understand if you don't reply....

WANTING to be a man, and BEING a man are two different things. i'm not talking about your body, but what's 'inside', for lack of a better term.

i totally get wanting to be a man, not wanting a girls name, not wanting to dress like one, or act like one...but that doesn't make you trans. just genderqueer (or whatever the PC term of the day is).

you can have a female body and to be outside world, be male. or some variation on that idea. simply WANTING to be a guy doesn't make you one.

and maybe i'm just misinterpreting what you're saying. i'm not saying you're NOT trans, just...how you're saying what you're saying, makes it sounds like you WANT to be a guy, not that you are. i dunno. that's just what i'm reading...and i wouldn't want you to go through a life altering, massive change (like surgery, or all the things that lead up to it), only to find out that that's not who you are...

Bulldyke
"I think some mistakes are meant to be made, because we can't help but hope that they won't be mistakes."