My personal problems with the world, or, my rant of total shittiness
I need a mom and dad, not the Mother and Father I have... They love me, sure... But they aren't what I need... I need someone that's there for me when there's a storm in my life....
"Waiting for the worms to come"
I need someone that loves me romantically, as well... Fine, I don't NEED them, but I'd much prefer that over anything else.
"Good morning, Worm your honor! The crown will plainly show the pris'ner who now stands before you was caught red handed showing feelings, showing feelings of an almost HUMAN nature. This will not do..."
That's right Mummy, I'm a faggot! I don't give a FUCK whether you don't want me to group myself with gays, I don't give a FUCK about what you want, I want what I want and NOTHING ELSE. You're a bitch you BITCH!
"Crazy, poison me, I think he is crazy!"
And YOU, Daddy! You're a shithead and a motherfucking SHIT! You never care about anything I say or do, I can't ever get a single "Good Job Tim" out of you, no matter WHAT I DO YOU DONT CARE! So guess what, Daddy, I don't care about YOU.
"I sentence you to be exposed before your peers!"
"TEAR DOWN THE WALL! TEAR DOWN THE WALL!"
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I forgot to mention, Ms.
I forgot to mention, Ms. Abbot, just to let you know, I hate you, I hate your class, I hate your attitude, And you know what? You're never going to get a boyfriend who'll keep you. And I know why, too. The way you carry yourself, you're FAR too self important. You need to see yourself the way WE see you, Ms. Abbot. That is, a bitch who doesn't see her own stupidity!
wow man...
apparently you've got some stuff that needs to be worked out. you know there are ways w/o insurance and w/o your parents knowledge that you could probably talk to someone or maybe even get on some drugs, not to say mood stabilizers are a 'cure' to the problems per say, but they can help. if your parents are that bad, consider goign to an outside source for help. and the school shooting thing is not a joke, be careful what you say on here dude. the government has spied on this site before, as thats how jordin's friend found out she was a dyke. just be careful abotu what you say on the site. i know i've said shit on here i probably shouldnt have, but even fanatasizing about shooting up your school implies an even deeper problem.
hope you feel better about your fam dude. and your situation that shit is sooo hard. I worked my whole life to gain my dad's approval, and finally said fuck it. no matter what i did, i was always the ' good for nuthin' little shit' as he used to refer to me. nothing was ever good enough for him. sometimes you just have to realize that trying to impress some people is just not worth the stress and the health effects.
Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman
Nyah, blah. Father is a
Nyah, blah. Father is a fucker anyways. I don't know what to say anymore, all i can do is say screw the world and post this shit online anymore im so fuckin pissed off at everything nowadays i cant understand this whole shitty world gah!
yeah! fuck this shitty world!
i feel the same way all the time dude! i didn't ask for the loads of shit that have been placed on my shoulders in this life! but life is hard, and it makes you stronger! i hear yout hough. being an insane, psycho, friendless, stressed gay guy aint easy!
Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman
God knows it. The paper life
God knows it. The paper life is smouldering. Fuckityfuckityfuckfuckfuck i need something to calm me down how the hell do i get thatt kind of med w/o mummy's knowledge?
Is there anybody out there?
-Pink Floyd
god dammit! im drawing a blank!
in my states, there was a program for kids who needed healthcare, and if you were over 16, you could do it w/o your parents knowing. also, there are certain docs dedicated to that type of situation. or just score some drugs from the kid in your school sellign them. that's the bad way to do it, but if your local high school was anything like mine, you could get oxy, paxil, zoloft, wellbutrin, or w/e you wanted.
personally, i found wellbutrin worked well for me, but it also has fewere side affects. i wish i had that info. go to your local planned parenthood or like a local medical center. the other thign i would suggest is going to your PCP or primary care provider, under you parents nose, since they are bound by law to confidentiality, and tell them what's up. as awkward as it may be, they might be able to get you on some meds for a small amount.
it may be worth it dude!
good luck. and parents suck. but trust me, from my own personal experience, drowning your problems in alcohol only adds another problem to the others and it doesn't help. i used to steal beer from my alcoholic mother, and it was ok, but it didnt help. id also live for vodka and gin, cuz they were the clear ones, so i could bring it to school and ditch, drink then come back. but trust me tim, it wont help you in the long run.
Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman
Doubteth ye mine own
Doubteth ye mine own insanity? Thou art a fool if thy mind cannot comprhend thine luck. Poe spake well when he wrote of the fine misadventures of Death. Nyah, Blah. Fuck, I'm tired but so angry I can't fucking SLEEP
i know the lack of sleep from anger well...
went waaaayyy too many days w/o sleep due to anger and rage @ yoru age in school. lol. but seriously, vent away dude. part of waht oasis is here for. i used to think letting it all out there was just some hippie bull my mom would talk about, but it actually helps. whehter by pen, guitar, bike or judst having someone to chat w/ about this bullshat, it all helps and we all have our own ways of coping. venting seems to be working well for you, so vent away!
Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman
Sorry, I'm just posting this
Sorry, I'm just posting this random shit because I need to.
Mummy and Daddy get nothing
Mummy and Daddy get nothing if I die. I'm going to insist that they get NOTHING AT ALL.
uhh?
wouldn't it be the other way around normally? are you really planning on dying first? go listen to aint it fun by gnr or some metalllica! it'll cheer you up! always worked for me. lol.
Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman
So, I walk into science
So, I walk into science class and this little fucker sonofabbitch mother fucking asshole shithead goes "Aw, Man!" and acts disapponted and when I look angry he smiles and goes Just Kidding,
WHat really pissses me off about the shit is that he always makes jokes about my gayness and then goes "Just Kidding" and I've told him if he continues I'll have to report him. I'm gonna get that fucker by way of detention. Never never never use physical means of revenge. Always always always be subtle and find the small ways, like hding their music so that they get detention for not having their music and Band class
lol...
or when they cover it up by sayin ghey...lol. but yeah, usin' the system to abuse the detention policies can be a big help. nice moves dude. very nice.
Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman
Hey, Daddy! Guess what! I
Hey, Daddy! Guess what! I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS ABOUT HOUSE RULES! I'LL DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANNA DO!
Oh, and Mrs. Banko, you can go FUCK YERSELF as far as I'm concerned. Not to mention Ms. Mullins, who had three children and yet nobody's ever met the father. And she judges ME? Who has the bad decision making skills here? HUH?
HAHA! FUCK YOU CHRISTIAN AMERICA! If I wanna screw guys who's business is it but MINE and HIS? EH?
meow
where is that super smart and helpful comment i made about u'r post? just so you and hellonwheels can stop having u'r little two man sexytime and making me all jelous and what not.
sucks to be you with the parents....you can always do what i did and move two oceans away from them...oh and asia.
and as for mrs abbot...may she grow testicles just so they may be twisted until they turn black. tada!
Hmm...
I recommend you (and everyone really) read "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie. She gives you a way to examine issues in your life in a way you can investigate them, since most of our problems are really just thoughts and our reactions to those thoughts.
I even interviewed her for Oasis: http://www.oasisjournals.com/2007/02/byron-katie-interview
Oh, and there is enough stuff on her website at thework.com to learn her methodologies without buying a book.
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"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." - Rumi
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wow i can relate slightly
i had a really bad relationship with my mom i am also sorta suicidal and then on top of that i recently told her i was bi and for sum reason that made her change she was alot more nicer to me but still there are sum things that we highly disagree about but i think the best outlet is to write poetry wen i am depressed thats wat i do...but then again my poetry is probably one of the reasons my mom put me in therapy....