This week seems to be slipping away from me, and I am letting it. I have so much college work to get through before I go back. But I don't really want to do it. I know I should have it done, but it feels like part of me has given up on the whole college thing. I don't want to have given up, it just seems that I have also come to the realisation that I may have choosen the wrong course. But over two years into it is a little late to realise this I think.
But then I also think I have always known that this was the wrong choice. But I always thought that the only thing to do was to get on with things. I never really, I mean really opened my mind up to the possibility that not everyone just gets by, some people are actually happy. I just presumed getting by was what people did. Maybe it is what people do and I just got mixed up somewhere in the process.
My college work is endless.No matter how much work I put in it never feels like enough. I am constantly writing programs, fixing databases, trying to make websites, and it all feels so pointless. I have been considering transferring to another course, but all my options are more or less just more of the same of what I am doing. Perhaps I have just hit a bad patch I am not sure. But it seems to me when friends on other courses get an assignmnet they can sit down for a given length of time and do it, and that is it it is done and out of the way. Mine seem to drag on constantly until it is time to hand them up and which point they are usually still missing something, I feel no sense of achievment, but I somehow manage to pass it.
I think a lot of the problem is down to myself and my time managment or lack there of. A new semester starts in just over a week. If I spend from now until then working hard I could have caught up to some extent to do these last few months of third year a little less stressed. But why can't I find the motivation? And why does it feel like a little part of me has already quit. And why once one thing starts to go right all the other things start to go wrong. Wish me luck in whatever it is I end up doing. Goodnight.