I was hanging out with all the boys (the group of friends I have been talking about in the last few journal entries), and it was going good. But I guess I was too overbearing. Or something. Maybe I just hate myself and don't want to let others put up with me. Anyway, here's the story.
I ate today for the first time in 4 days. When I get really stressed to the point of depression about something, I just stop eating. It's better than cutting, in some ways. So today my vision was blurry, I had an intense headache, and I felt very weak and tired. So I decided to eat dinner tonight. I guess the surge of energy made me hyper because we were playing games and I was shrieking and yelling and stuff. And one of the boys told me to quiet down.
He didn't do it in a mean way, but I just get so mad at myself that I bother other people.
I don't like myself, so why do I expect others to like me? I don't know.
It's usually not as bad when I resort to cutting, so I think I'll do that. It doesn't lead me to feel weak and sick like starving myself does.
I'm so fucked up.