still haven't found what I'm looking for
What the hell is wrong with me? I stayed in bed until after 2 today. I should of been up at 8 for college. I skipped classes all day for no good reason. It's not something I would do usually. I am far too much of a nerd for that. I just feel so down and like nothing is ever going to be ok again. I don't even know if it has ever really been ok to start with though.
Telling my mam that I am gay should have been of huge relief. I feel the same though. She has been fine about it, but part of me thinks it's because I haven't really been telling anyone else. She has dropped in a few comments like be careful who you tell, and the other day she asked if I had told one of my friends yet. I said no and she said she might not talk to you again when you do.Why would she say that? Does she think I haven't thought of this!
There is an lgbt meeting at college tomorrow night. After the meeting I think they are going out. I really want to go, but again I am scared. I know I need to stop making such a huge deal of this and just go.I just want to tell everyone that I am gay and be done with this shit. I don't know why I can't.
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Comments
*hug*
because we lived in a fucked up world where fear is a pretty valid feeling. i came out in a very supportive place, and it STILL scared the shit out of me.
do you guys have anything like PFLAG over there? it's essencially a support group for parents (and friends) of lgbt people. it sounds (from what you've said, and my own assumptions) that you're mom is trying to be cool with you being gay because she loves you, but is genuinly worried for your happiness and safety. it's probably new to her to be thinking about all these new fears for you (being afraid for their kids is what parents do...there's no getting around that).
also, not to totally pry into your personal life where i'm not wanted, but you sound depressed, and like maybe some outside help would be good. perhaps a therepist would be a good thing to have right now (i've been in therepy for years, and it's the best thing in the world for me).
go to your meeting. have fun. go out afterwards. have a blast. it's okay to be afraid. *hug*
Bulldyke
"this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart" e.e. cummings
Hmm...
Pretty easy these days, no? Just update your Facebook status.
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Add me on Facebook and MySpace.
Yes, I think you should just
Yes, I think you should just go. One meeting, possibly one night out can't be such a horrible thing to sacrifice no? and heck , if the meeting goes bad, just go home right after that. I'm talking baby steps here =)
A month ago or so I went to my uni's meeting. I was nervous yes, but was it horrible? nope, not at all. I even skipped my kung fu that night to go lol in the end, it wasn't exactly my cup of tea. But that's just me and my uni's gsa groupy thing. I'm super happy that I went in the end, cuz' it eliminated that feeling of "what if/what am I missing out on?" It never hurts to try it at least! go gadget go!!
Go, go, go! My mother also
Go, go, go!
My mother also warned me to be careful who I tell. Worst advice I ever took. I was unhappy, my friends were offended I didn't tell.
But seriously, go out with the LGBT peoples. The whole point is that they know all the decent places. Go, go, go!