but ok! So I came out to one more friend today. She just kept asking me about boyfriends/boys in general. So I thought, hmm, I should probably just tell her...

I haven't felt nervous telling a friend that I was gay since last year. But when I told my friend S today, I definitely got that sinking chest feeling. I've known her since jr high (ie I know her/she knows me quite well!). She's also from a very traditional family. Perhaps those where the reasons I was rather nervous of telling her - I didn't really know what to expect.

Just like every other reaction I've gotten thus far, she was extremely positive =D And surprisingly understanding. Right before I had told her, she insisted that we go to the gym/over to my other friends house to work out and such. As silly as it sounds, I was afraid that after I had told her, she would then be doubtful of going with me for some reason or another. However of course her mind was untouched. She even seemed happier, more intent. Silly me. I should have known - I should never have doubted. She said she was happy that I had told her/shared this aspect of my life with her.

Life is only as good as the people you surround yourself with. and hell, my friends, are awesome =)

I don't even know how many people I'm out to anymore. Whoever knows, knows. Whoever doesn't, simply hasn't heard yet. Everyone I've told has appreciated me telling them. In most cases, it has even strengthened our bonds. Mostly likely because there is no longer any barriers, no more lies. I have brought down my walls and actually let people in.

I have been hurt by 'friends' before (when I was much younger), thus grew afraid to bring down my walls - my barrier to protect myself. Little did I know, I had only trapped myself within. I have learned something from all of my friends. I have learned, that it is ok to bring down your walls, make yourself vulnerable and let those you feel are close to you in. I have learned that it is worth it to take that chance. For with no sacrifice, no risk, there comes no reward.

The reward feels nice =)