So I had a really fun evening going out with a bunch of college friends and ice skating and being a dork. And at the end of things it's just me and... let's call him L? L is this supercute and wonderful transguy a grade ahead of me. I had a thing for him last year, but he hardly had anything to do with me, and it gradually dissipated into me just being really really attracted to him (because he is soooo attractive nadfkjnakjnad). He's sorta taken me under his wing as his protoge in queerness, he's trying to make me into a chick magnet and teach me how to pick up chicks. 'Cause really, he gets a lot of chicks, he should know. And I'm sort of a lame who gets no chicks whatsoever. Seriously, I am unbelievably awkward with girls and in any sort of romantic situation. Well, L and I are sitting in this coffee shop after everyone else has left, and I'm a bit buzzed from skating and brownie and tea, and he's talking to me about his relationship issues. And I realize I'm a giggling like a schoolgirl and being dorkier than usual and sort of shivery/tremulous, the way I get when I'm nervous or having some big confession thing or something. (So basically, when I'm nervous.) So, is he just sort of an intimidating conversation partner who I don't know my way around and don't want to annoy, because he only just started being friendly towards me and I don't know how to react to him a lot of the time? Or: do I have a thing for him? Unghh that's just awkward, I don't know how to deal with this stuff, and I could theoretically ask him out/go out with him/something, because he's super-polyamorous, but just... I dunno. I'm uncomfortable enough with the whole idea of "relationship" (which I have had none of), I dunno if I'd want to get into that. Just because he can be a rather intimidating person, for all that he's cute and squishy and adorable. Plus I highly doubt he's interested in me, because I'm such a dork but also because I'm younger, but also because he seems to want to take a mentor position and help me find my wings and get my own girls. So... basically, I'm confused. And kind of fail. Urgghh. I think I'm gonna go write a fugue and go to sleep. Goodnight world.