Tonight was the night I was going to do it. I was going to come clean to my friend M that the reason I never have a boyfriend is because I am a lesbian. I had it in my head...we will come around to the usual converstaion of "so do you have your eye on any boys?" and I'd say "no, I'm actually gay". Seems simple. I however could not follow through on it. I got scared and I don't know why.

Dammit I have come-out to my mother, several friends, I now regularly attend lgbt meetings at college, yet still I cannot just tell this girl I am gay. I hate that I am not telling her. But for some reason the prospect of telling this friend seems so much more terrifying than any of the others. I think mainly because she honestly has no clue. In a million years I don't think it would have occured to her.

I found myself making excuses in my head and deciding ok I'll tell her maybe if I am seeing someone...she might find it easier to understand then.

She also knows about all the craziness between me and my sister the past while.So I didn't really want to throw out something else that might seem a bit mental... to her at least.

Ok I am really dying of flu so I will end it there.Laterz.