I am going to take all the Ewoks captive and set them to work in my imaginary drive-in theatre. Concession duties will be handled by the Teletubbies because they are less hairy and therefore more suitable for catering. All creepy things that I'm supposed to find cute but don't shall be enslaved!

On opening night, we will be serving ambrosia and cotton candy. Our first double-feature will be a screening of these two films:

First up, Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!...

...followed by Vampyros Lesbos

Our youngest Teletubby, Poe, will be performing karaoke versions of Madonna's " Holiday" and Billy Idol's " Dancing with Myself" for your entertainment during intermission. Feel free to pelt her with whatever you can get your hands on. Loose change especially hurts, but would be appreciated nonetheless.

You are all invited.

Bring your own booze and someone to cuddle with. Free condoms, dams, and lube offered at the gates. See you there!