My life is a little all over the place right now. I was actually thinking the other day that it doesn't even feel like my life anymore...everything seems a little bit surreal.
Things have improved a little bit with my sister and the bro-in-law situation.Some stress of that situation has been taken off of me.But I know that that has just been put on hold until it eventually comes back around to having to actually deal with the entire thing. But for the moment I am happy with the space I have from it to clear my head and try and sort out some other issues.
The main other issue right now is my coming-out process.It was my clubs and societies sign-up day last week, and I actually managed to get up the courage to go sign up to my lgbt society. I literally spent the entire of last week stressing about it.I have not come-out to the girl that I spend most of my time in college with because quite honestly I don't know how to.But she wasn't in that day so I managed to sneak to the lgbt to sign-up myself.
I felt terribly awkward though. I recognised the stand because I recognised two of the girls there who I met briefly last year when managed to briefly catch their end of year meeting.As silly as it is I felt really shakey or somethin filling in the form. I think they kind of noticed and were trying to be nice, but honestly I find myself cringing at myself. They were having a meeting that night but I felt too awkward to go along after how I was signing up.
I know I have to push myself to just do this and get over the awkwardness.But I have just been so all over the place lately.They are holding another meeting this week but I am rostered to work on that evening.So I am going to see if I can get anyone to swap with me so I can go and just do this.
I seriously feel as though I am going mental.My college life is passing me by and I am not living the life I want to because I am so scared.It has got to the point where I am so stressed I wake up and night thinking I am choking or else I just wake up at some strange hour and just be thinking about it as I wake.This has got to end.