Hiatus--and a problem or two

4 October, 2008 - 6:30am — typicalmusician

Well, the hiatus is a problem too, but not the main one. I don't go on Oasis when I'm at school, because the school is able to monitor where we go on the internet, and although the tech people are awesome and amazing, I don't want my browsing habits to get me out. Also, my desk faces in such a way that anyone walking in my room, and my roommate pretty much all the time can see my screen. 30+ girls plus dorm equals total lack of privacy. :P

Good news: I'm out to one of my best friends. :) It was very roundabout, but she knows that I have a crush on another one of our mutual best friends (not my long-ago-aforementioned crush...this is someone else). We haven't talked about it since, which is fine with me, but I'm ridiculously glad she knows.
I'm also really frustrated with myself for still liking.....let's call her E. I keep trying to treat her like normal, restrain my emotions, etc etc. I've tried to be mad at her and failed miserably. But every time I see E or talk to her, I just go crazy inside. I always want to be around her, I love to hang out with her, and it's become really awkward to watch movies together like we always used to, cause now I always want to sit by her, and when I do, I'm always trying to cuddle and sometimes there will just be this excruciating moment when I want to kiss her and I know that.....she's straight, to the extent of anyone's knowledge. She's just being caring like any other friend when we hug. But she looks gorgeous in my eyes, and when she was sick last weekend I went to visit her a bunch. My excuse was that she was quarantined in my dorm and I'd been around her so much that if I was going to catch it, it was too late already. However, I could have easily left her alone rather than go talk to her. Multiple times per day. When I should have been doing other stuff.

Other problem: I really wanted to get 100% out of town for Fall Break, but there was no way. :P Argh. I wanted to go visit M, my friend at App, but my other friend who lives nearby wasn't driving home, so I couldn't do anything. :P

Does anyone know how I can make sense of this and deal with falling for someone who could never, ever like me back? I know she won't, and I don't expect her to return my feelings. I wish I could get rid of them. I can't. :P

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Comments

4 October, 2008 - 10:49pm — Neutrina

If you're sure she can't

If you're sure she can't return your feelings...maybe try to find someone else? Don't expect to get rid of your feelings, at least not right away. If you can find someone to, I don't know, date casually, that might help.

Suddenly becoming busy, so you're not around E as much, might also help.

"When the people begin to reason, all is lost" - Voltaire

5 October, 2008 - 9:22am — sistinesylph

If she knows this comment can be discarded as useless

I was so in love with my best friend for such a long time, and I knew she was straight, and I told myself she was straight but nothing I thought or knew could change how I felt for her. And then I told her. I wrote her a letter telling her that I was in love with her and how I thought she was perfect. I was right she didn't have feelings for me but she thanked me so sincerely and everything has been great between us since. I still have moments where I would love nothing more to take her in my arms and kiss her but at least I know where she stands. I have been miserable at moments for having told her but overall, I am really glad she knows.

Moral of the story: If you trust her enough and if your relationship is strong enough, and if you haven't already, you should consider telling her.

6 October, 2008 - 1:03am — the_loser