wow, i haven't been on here forever, but i need somewhere to write where people aren't going to see it, but i sort of want her to see it, even though i don't want her to know i'm being all emo-y. whatever.

my head's spinning like crazy lately. not that it doesn't usually, maybe it's just gotten to be too much. anybody read the webcomic girls with slingshots? it's amazing. i really enjoy it. one of my friends called me the gay version of the main character, except in the strip, she just got back together with her boyfriend. and the girl i'm in love with just moved 10 hours away, and i don't have a car. the last time i saw her was a couple weeks ago when the boy she's sleeping with paid for her gas. i'm not entirely sure how she feels or how much of an idea she has for how i feel. i don't think i want anything defined, i just want to feel like i can make sure she's ok, and more than anything i want to hold her. i don't want to risk our friendship for an old fashioned type relationship, but i'm ok with not defining anything. i think. part of me wants to demand that everything be put into words, but part of me knows that would kill it all.

and while i'm thinking all this, i'm noticing all the hot girls that are right around. my TA for one, but she's also undergrad, so it's fine. definitely caught her checking me out, and she knows i'm queer and has directly hinted she is too. as shallow as it may sound, i really need to get laid. this is getting ridiculous.